What more?

I'm writing from our loft - the coldest room in our house when the heating is off but the warmest (and best) room in our house when the heating is on. Fortunately our heating has been on all day and therefore I have been residing at my desk at the top of our house. This is a pretty good Sunday for me - yes my desk, yes my work, but believe it or not I enjoy doing this in my own space and at my own pace. A good Sunday! Although next Sunday I am hoping to get to the coast... I think that will be an even better Sunday and balance might truly be restored. But for now, for today, it was good - I expected this weekend to be somewhat of a car crash considering all that's happened this week but I have taken myself by surprise, faced the storm, and I am still going. The past week doesn't even have a suitable adjective to describe it - We welcomed in December and now our house has a Christmas tree and more candles and we're playing Christmas songs at any given opportunity. It is quite lovely actually, and we welcomed the month in with mulled wine and mince pies. Really lovely... There have been some really wonderful moments with some wonderful people. But given particular things, it has been 'one of those' weeks. I can't write much more, other than you know when the universe gives you messages that something needs to change... My writing is cryptic here but I think this message is rather pertinent, and therefore I have been working out what I need to do and how to respond. This means putting all the time and energy into other things - everything and anything else, apart from my own research. And actually that is a bit of a shame....

Last week I tried something new and went to a Tai Chi class. I learnt about Chinese Yoga, ribbons, lion's breath (although I think in Tai Chi they call it 'bear's breath!) and also learnt a lot about the teacher's personal life... It was a bizarre experience but actually one that I took some learning from. That learning included some more messages that I needed to hear. They have this philosophy that really fits - especially if facing battles or trying to initiate change. I was reminded quite wonderfully that our most forceful and powerful strength is in our softness (try it next time you are doing an arm wrestle or trying to open that jar that just won't open!). Stop trying, just relax and move, and you will find that your strength is astounding. It is so much more that we think it is... WE are stronger than we think we are. I have been carrying that with me for these past couple of weeks and not doing much different but just knowing. The lesson that stems from this one is that keeping anchored to the ground and staying centred will keep us from falling to the ground... If you push at something with all of your force, inevitably it will fall and if your whole body is pressed against it, your body will also fall to the ground. Try it... and try again just using the parts you need to use. Your strength is more powerful that way, and you keep centred at the same time. You remain balanced and upright.

This is the third weekend that I have told myself that I must get back into doing some yoga, and it has truly been good. Strong body, strong mind.. I think this is fundamentally important... The week truly has been bizarre - there is only so much yoga can fix. But it is balance - even though I have had a few emails and meetings and conversations this week that I would rather have not had (some not my choice...) and it has seemed that lots of these things all come at once, I still found good. I even managed to take some time out for the cinema this evening and spent Friday evening with an old friend, a very good friend, and an inspirational woman. It is quite wonderful how paths come together and move apart and then come together again. Anyway, despite the storm (literally, there has been a storm!) I have finally re-submitted my ethics proposal form to the board with clarifications, as well as firing off a good few other emails to various people about various missions and plans... It is truly time to make some changes, and change does not happen easily, particularly when time is precious and days roll into one and perhaps most importantly, change means taking risks and letting go of the familiar. Even if it isn't serving us well it is still not an easy task. It is about making it a priority - making my life and my choices a priority. Not many of us say that.... But I think many of us would feel a lot more complete if we did!