Monday, 31 January 2011

Last morning of January

This month has totally flown by. Goodbye to a rather cold and frosty January 2011. 
I've been awake for hours already this morning attempting a 'lie in'. I have to leave at 10.30am - a perfect opportunity to make the most of a much needed extra few hours sleep. 
Not a chance though. Should have known. I may just casually get up now, and eat a bowl of porridge although I really shouldn't before shooting today. Oh, decisions. 
I am completely lost for words this morning. Lost in my confused train of thoughts, so I honestly do not know why I'm writing this blog. I can't seem to string a sentence together. Perhaps I need a coffee? Oh my days. That's it. Sweetened Vanilla coffee. One for now, and one for the drive.
Actually, I will get ready now, and then leave early and stop off in town on the way. I need to purchase a few things. I have a pile of uni work from last semester all sitting in folders, so I've decided to organise them all and put everything in boxes so the folders are ready to be re-filled for this semester. Which starts tomorrow, by the way. Totally not ready in the slightest to go back. 6 weeks off and I feel like I need a break. Where's the logic in that thought!

Okay - I am going to make that coffee. No, cup of tea now and coffee for the car. Then wrap up incredibly warm and cosy and hope for a brilliant day. I am sure it will be a good one.

I want to go back to sleep already

Sarah Jones shoot - 29th Jan

We did a really lovely test with photographer Sarah Jones a couple of days ago. These are some previews, unedited but I quite like them anyway.

Friday, 28 January 2011

Cottonistas video

One and Only

'I know it ain't easy giving up your heart,
Nobody's pefect,
Trust me I've learned it.'

This is one of the tracks on Adele's new album, 21. I have not stopped listening to it all week. It is simply beautiful. Perfect to drive along to, singing out from the heart (and hoping that no one can hear!)

I drove to Nottingham today for a beauty test shoot with a wonderful photographer, Mark Enstone. He is one of those rare people who really takes his time to make you feel comfortable and like a valued person. I really did enjoy today. We got some lovely shots too. I'll post one of them up here, although it's totally raw and un-edited. I did the most foolish thing though, driving back up north. I was navigating my way through Nottingham city centre and must have taken a wrong turning. I suddenly came to the realisation that I was indeed driving parallel to the road with cars and stopped to think 'shit.. I'm driving the wrong way down a tram line!' Oh my days. I hastily turned around and made my way back onto the road designated for cars, and not trams! Oops.

I shall just briefly mention the shoot yesterday with photographer Kate Abbey. She shoots quite simplistic work, yet incredibly and effortlessly beautiful imagery and feeling. So I was really pleased she wanted to shoot with me. We got some good shots, including ones that are really unique and will hopefully be used for my book. The location house was beautiful and really antique and picturesque. However it was rather freezing. My finger nails had turned an interesting shade of blue by the end of the day!

I love the fact that I get to meet some really inspirational people in my job. I wouldn't want it any other way

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Castings and coffee.

Stayed at lovely Anna's house last night. We did the usual - eat veggies, drink lots of tea, talk about the things only crazies discuss, and stay up rather late for apparently no reason at all. She put up with me being a professional bed-hogger. And I listened to her sleep-singing her own melodies throughout the night. Standard.

I then drove back home and power-drove at high speed down the motorways to Manchester for a TV commercial casting. I really don't know how it went but seemed okay, I suppose. As far as castings go. It's 99% sure that the client has booked me for the Harvey Nichols show, so that will be fabulous. I had a coffee and tea this morning, followed by coffee in the car, coffee before and after the casting, and now I am sufficiently full. I have a shoot tomorrow with a photographer who's work looks just effortlessly beautiful. I should really get some beauty sleep to ensure I do a good enough job for them. And to make sure I actually wake up on time. That is always a good thing. Breakfast tomorrow? Or work my way through the day on what will most likely be next to nothing? Je ne sais pas. I shall see how I feel when the morning arrives.

The Next Cottonista campaign is released this week, which is rather exciting because we are taking up a rather large section of the website and stores. Totally crazy, really, when I think about it! Also the magazine in which we shot various beautifully expensive pieces of jewellery is out this month too. This includes some Alexander McQueen, Theo Fennell, and YSL jewellery. I shall post pics as and when I manage to see them.

Setting my alarm..

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

A few days in the life of a Next model :)

Just a brief peek into the private life of being a Next model. Just for the record - these people are amazing.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Things that make me happy

Car is now shiny clean by the way - this makes me happy.

I have just been sent through the shoot details for Thursday. It's close-ish to where I live. Should be an hours drive at the most, and I am so looking forward to it, I could cry. Quite literally :) Looks like it will be a beautiful day

Tuesday morning.

It is currently 8.50am on Tuesday morning. I am awake and ready to start the day. Before I do anything however, I am going to get dressed and go outside to clean my rather dirty car. It's terrible. My overly obsessive need to have things nice, clean, and 'just-so' means that I am very uncomfortable at the thought of dirt and birdy poop laying messily and needlessly on my car. So, action will be taken and I am going to clean it.

I actually enjoy cleaning it. (Weird!)

I have a few things to do. Lists, lists, lists. Lists are my life these days. Then heading over to York to see the lovely Anna. 

This is a rather pointless blog actually. I don't really know why I'm writing it. I wanted to be working a lot until I go back to uni but I only had one casting yesterday for a Harvey Nichols show and I don't know how it went really. Suppose I shall wait and see. You never know what's coming up in this job


Swings and roundabouts.
All kinds of tablets and pills have something in them that damage something in us..
Even the pills with the best intentions.
Something I said in a conversation just this minute.. Seemed quite relevant. Something I'd like to remember.

Monday, 24 January 2011


"Perfection is not just about control. It's also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise the audience. Transcendence! Very few have it in them."
Black Swan.

We went to see Black Swan on Friday. A film that was much anticipated by myself and a fair few others. Goodness, it was absolutely bloody fantastic. Incredible and beautifully upsetting yet ever so realistic. The bare bones of what is potentially a twisted and truthfully mad world is laid out for all to see. I think it takes a certain type of person to really understand and appreciate the film as a whole. Definitely a thought-provoker but also it brings a lot of memories to the surface. Quite surprisingly I can relate a hell of a lot of what I saw to my own life. 

Well, I say surprisingly. Not so surprisingly really. Perfectionism. A trait commonly found in 'people like me' Oh my days, I hate that phrase. Along with the word 'control'. Bloody control. What is that?? Apparently I try to control certain aspects of my life, when otherwise life feels very much out of control. These same rules suggest that my character trait of perfectionism only adds to the likelihood that I will develop these problems. Problems that are deeply set within me and are terribly hard to overcome. Apparently. I hate the professionals sprouting all their knowledge at me. All the numbers, all the statistics, and all the facts and figures and symptoms of my supposed illness. I probably hate it because the truth is usually a hard one to face.

Perfectionism is a constant battle. It's never quite reached, and ironically every single aspect of a person is eventually destroyed on this endless mission to be perfect. We don't even know what being perfect means. Not really.. We have an ideal. We think we'll be 'happy' when we reach that ideal. But that's the trap.. we will never reach it. Because there's always one more step you can take. Another new plan to better yourself.

The sad thing is, I have been told this many times before.. Beauty is in art. Beauty is in letting go, living life, being free, and true acceptance of yourself. It's about trusting yourself enough to fully let go and live. Bearing your soul to the world and not being afraid of what might be seen, because that, is the beautiful and perfect being. 

Life is to be embraced

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Steven Pearson shoot

Just a few shots from the shoot I did with Steven Pearson just before Christmas.

I quite like the first one :)

This week has been a rather quite one work-wise but starting next week off well with a casting tomorrow which hopefully will be a good one and will set the week off in a brilliant way.

I want to do something crazy and unexpected. I want to live a little more

Happy birthday Anna

'Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.'
Susanna (Girl, Interrupted).

Bonjour. I suppose the quote is not quite as bizarre as it may seem. You see, this film always reminds me of one particular lady who she goes by the beautiful name of Anna Poberezny. It was Anna's birthday on Friday and I went over to York to celebrate with her. We had a lovely couple of days together, of course involving coffee and tea, vodka and amaretto, apples and sweets, birthday gifts, depressing discussions and what one can only describe as outrageously insane discussions. 

Some of our conversations may as well be non-comprehendable on a basic level of sanity. Bringing me back to the beginning.. What the hell is crazy? We are so focused on this label of craziness that we lose sight of what the word actually means. Perhaps it is undefinable. Maybe it's not actually us who are the crazy ones, but it's the uncontrollable and disordered life we live. I do wish I could be a child forever. Not the child I was, God no. I am glad to have my childhood over and forgotten about. But to be a child with one of those idealistic childhood fantasy lives, and to stay in that perfect little world forever. Have you ever felt a moment that seems ever so real and honestly perfect? You would be happy if you died the following day, because living to experience that one moment, is all you need? Being present and feeling at one with your soul. Is there really something so crazy about wanting to hold onto that one moment of happiness and never wanting to let it go?

Je ne sais pas.
There's my phrase of the week. Wow, it's probably my phrase of life. My fucking answer to life.
Je ne sais pas. 
I don't know.

Monday, 17 January 2011


Behind the scenes shot at Viva magazine shoot with Tony Le-Britton

I am currently still in bed and drinking the most delicious cup of african honeybush, mandarin, and orange tea.

This is where I am ravishing in the fact that I have completed all my uni work and am not back until the first of february. Delightful. All I have from now until then is work and relaxation time. And lots of coffee and tea to be consumed.

Few snaps from the past week

I have lots more but not allowed them up until the campaigns are all out ;)

New week.

"I hope I have a little girl. She will never know the smell, the taste, of self destruction. She’ll never thirst for pain or detest a single freckle on her body.”

All credit to Condron, who wrote this in her blog and I just had to make note of her words. If I am honest, that woman inspires me a lot more than I even have the confidence to let her know.

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Half way through January already?

I had to double check the date - 16th January 2011. I honestly feel like my mind is baffled with where the days disappear to lately. I have had a lovely day off today, sleeping in late and then seeing Zana this afternoon for a relaxing soy latte and catch up. I was beginning to forget what a day off felt like.

An update is totally overdue so I shall try my best to update on how this past week has been. Before I begin though, I have to quickly mention that I have been moved from New Faces onto the main board at Boss. Super happy about that.. Shows I must be doing something right. I have been away with Next this week. We did a fashion event at the head offices in Leicester which was actually rather nice. It was easy work and nice to catch up and get away from home for a while. The new s/s collection is very 'me' I'd say. I could have happily gone shopping in the mock store. We modelled some winning outfits and then headed up to Birmingham for the show and rehearsals. 

The others joined us in Birmingham and of course it was all crazy. Jacuzzi, drinks, photo shoots, catwalks, interviews, cameras etc etc. Just your standard week with the Next people. I say the 'Next people' but I do sometimes forget that there are some bloody lovely people I'm privileged to work with. Admittedly, I do find travelling and being away from the comfortable surroundings of my own home quite difficult at times. It's the added pressure and the lack of knowledge of the new situation, and the spontaneity that tends to freak me out a littleBut once I kick my own arse into gear and get my head in the right place, I have these moments of total and complete contentment. 

In fact, I don't think contentment is the best word. It's difficult to explain. It's humbling, and fills me with gratitude. I look around myself.. At the people, the places, the experiences and surroundings.. And I need a few moments to embrace it all as a whole and realise that yes, this is me. This is who I am and I have every right to be standing here, feeling this happiness. I would love to feel more moments like this one. Perhaps this is what truly living life means - to feel those moments and not be held captive by your destructive mind. To not be afraid of that destructive mind, because that fear is what fuels it's life. Killing the fear will leave only goodness and a love for life that I will want to never lose sight of.

My life is changing. It already began to change a while ago, but I can notice it now. I'm quietly growing and I'm not so deadly afraid of who I might become. Why be terrified of something that is potentially ever so beautiful? I don't want to hide away. I know this post seems rather strange but it's making a lot more sense in my mind. I think that this past week has given me a taste of what life can be like if I allow myself to live a little. 

A smile is contageous..
I would like to smile more :)

New health plan.

Between 1.5 - 2 litres of water a day. And to increase my protein intake with cashew nuts, beans, and quorn. It has to be better than what I'm doing lately. It will improve my skin (hopefully) and also give me slightly more energy and help me feel more vitalised and alive. I know my diet does not win the award for most nutritious - mainly due to my overly fussy tendencies and terrible eating habits. But I shall have to do that 'get over it' thing, and be a little messy for a while. See what's the worst that can possibly happen?

I have good intentions. 

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Backstage snap

This is moi in hair and make up for a shoot yesterday with Manchester photographer Sopie Kutay. Was a lovely and chilled girly day. 

I still need to write a good update from last week but I am rather tired. I'm eating the most delicious organic tomato, lentil, and vegetable soup as I type. I wish I had more energy from somewhere. Please do let me know if you figure out where this magical energy is created? You know that phrase, 'too tired to eat, too hungry to sleep'..? Well that could describe me right now. Even though I am physically exhausted, I cannot really sleep very well. I probably will do tonight, with the help of this soup. Nomnom. I am so lame I shall probably still be hungry when I've finished this entire bowl.

I feel like such a let down today. I had plans to stay with Anna tonight and go out with her and her housemates for one of their birthdays. I miss Anna so much and was really looking forward to it until I woke up early this morning feeling like utter shit because I'm so drained of alertness and energy. Just about made it through my session with the boy I mentor without yawning away in his face!

I think I shall retire to my bedroom and catch up on the first episode of Glee that I missed last week. I will most likely fall asleep though.

Friday, 14 January 2011

Burned pineapple anyone?

Shoot for the Nabil El Nayel website. (before Christmas also)

I quite like these ones :)

Right - off to Manchester I go. Had a pretty awesome week but I shall have to update when I'm not in a rush to head out.

Au revoir x

Phil Drinkwater shoot

A couple from a test I did with Phil Drinkwater before Christmas. Just thought I'd whack them up here. 

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Delusional thinking.

'It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.'
Dr Carl Sagon

Do we really live in such a delusional world that we exist in a false sense of reality without even acknowledging it? Why is it human nature for us to continue striving for perfection? Why is it seemingly impossible for us to just be as we are?
If we fool ourselves enough, then eventually we will begin to believe the lie and it will be reassuring - to believe that the world isn't so bad afterall.

It is 3am and I should probably be asleep, but I have had the most interesting chat tonight. I said I wouldn't blog about it, but I suppose I have things running through my mind so I felt the need to write something

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Tea break.

'The question of existence never gets straightened out except through existing itsself'
- Heidegger, 1962

Grace Potter and The Nocturnals

Brilliant distraction to work. Chatting to a lovely friend and listening to Grace Potter and The Nocturnals. This one is most definitely the most played of the evening.


Friday, 7 January 2011


Why on earth am I finding it so difficult to focus my mind on anything this evening? I cannot concentrate at all. I'm hoping that by writing this out and admitting I'm finding it difficult - well, I'm hoping that I will now find it easier? Probably not though. I've had enough of uni work to last me one holiday but I just have a little more to do. It's just so demanding of my concentration and I don't have much energy to offer.

I don't want to sleep tonight until I've finished. Then I can have this weekend to enjoy before the crazy schedule of next week.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

If only

If only I had the ability to change circumstance and possibilities for others. I don't know if it's this specific time of year, Christmas and a new year - People can tend to be more vulnerable at this time. There is a good few friends I hold very close whom I would give all I have to make things better for them at this moment in time. 

It breaks my heart to see people I love suffer so much. They say there's beauty in pain. But really?? I beg to differ. It is possible for beauty to be the product of certain types of pain. Likewise, it's possible to develop into something more beautiful because suffering has taught a person many lessons that they otherwise would never have embraced. But in order to see the beauty in life it's self, a person must somehow find the beauty within themselves. An authenticity in their self acceptance. Such a lovely concept but one of life's most difficult quests. I enjoy the inspirational words of others, but I am by no means a wise philosopher. I'm just a twenty-one year old girl who enjoys thinking about life, the world, and over-thinking each possible way that I could attempt to find my own belonging.

When the world we live in seems ever so full of hurt and hatred, it is rather like fighting a battle you've already lost. I wish I had something more to offer. It hurts to understand other people, and know the torture in feeling that way. Yet nothing I do feels enough.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

3am thought.

'An artist must be free to choose what he does, certainly, but he must also never be afraid to do what he might choose.' 
Langston Hughes.

Embrace the ginger fro

Genuinely have enjoyed spending today as a ginger replica of the 80's.
Shoot was incredibly good!
After shooting all day, I met with Steve for a bite to eat and drink. It was an absolute pleasure catching up and I drove back home this evening feeling so lifted and content. I actually feel rather lucky to know such an inspiring man. He is one of those people you can just sit with for a rather long time and really appreciate the things they say.

Bonne nuit x