Friday, 27 July 2012

Viva magazine

New work in viva magazine, shot by the ever so lovely Tony le Britton

Thursday, 26 July 2012

We will be

I have been ever so anxious, irrational, stressed, irritable, etc. the list goes on and on with not one of the words possessing a positive quality whatsoever. I'm not enjoying feeling this way at all, infact it feels rather defeatist; so, rather than wallow in self-pity for days and weeks on end into infinity and beyond, I have been making desperate attempts to will something to change. Well, I am not superhuman, and my lack of superhuman abilities suggests that there is only so much to be attained from the powers of my positive thinking alone. But I believe I'm beginning to form something in my mind that resembles a plan. This plan depends on no one but myself and trusting in my own decisions. I find myself reaching the hurtful realisation more and more frequently at the moment that there are not many people you can fully rely on.

The more I grow up, the more it seems as though it's not quite 'us against the world'.. Rather, 'ME against the whole bloody universe in all it's divine power, strength, and glory'. It's oh-so wonderful. Truly.

There's a slight hint of sarcasm there.
Anyway, less of the bitterness. I cannot stand bitter emotions; what a wasted and unproductive emotion it seems to be. More about the mindfulness and peacefulness that this evening has bought about. A walk by the river followed by a drink as afternoon met evening, a Tuesday night in York. Talking through life and change. The ups and downs. Whatever will be, will be. It is inevitable. We will be.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Avenue Q

Yesterday Kat and I went to Leeds Grand to escape for the day and enjoy a little light hearted musical theatre entertainment. I have seen Avenue Q before - a couple of years ago while Mark and I were in London. And quite honestly, it is precisely the pick-me-up that I am needing right now. I rarely laugh out loud properly; not in the whole hearted way i would like. But this piece of musical theatre is so brilliantly written and performed that you can't help but smile and giggle at its pure crude and controversial hilarity.
Let's face it - bright and in your face style musical comedy about gays, racists, porn, and such inappropriate topics absolutely lifted my mood.
Such a nice day :)


'We just needed to silently acknowledge that we were home, that we were where we came from. That for that moment, we didn't need to live in another country just to feel accomplished. We were okay as we were.'
- Portia de Rossi, Unbearable Lightness.

Thanks to Becca for allowing me to borrow her book :)
These words I've chosen to post represent many things. Where is home? Why do we go home? And are we always greeted with what we go home wishing to receive? It's often not the beautifully loving home we wish for and fantasise about. But for some reason, the eternal comfort we constantly crave is all the same. We still search for it, perhaps knowing we may never find it in the places we look.

We want to feel 'okay' as we are. We want our home to provide us with just that incomparable feeling. Home is of course, much, much more than just 'home'.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

a gentle reminder

It is now over half way through the year 2012, and I have successfully endevoured to make my 2012 'list' rather unavoidable and impossible to forget. The list is currently posted on my bedroom wall and written on the inside cover of my diary, as well as inside my journal. In fact, I think Derren Brown would be pretty impressed with the somewhat un-subtle subliminal messages I seem to be feeding my subconscious mind here. Or, on the other hand - the simple power of positive psychology. PMA (Positive Mental Attitude).

It feels like this is more important than ever, as I am sinking into what is a rather premature mid-life crisis, or perhaps more kindly and less dramatically phrased, a mid-summer predicament.

There are a few specific points on my list that I must remind myself of. Not only do they act as a reminder of who I am, but also of who I am becoming, and what makes life feel fulfilled. The things that keep me 'going', as such, and the aspects of life that motivate and inspire. These simple points are very small and to some, may be insignificant. But for me, they are words that when followed, take me to a place in life that makes me a more wholesome, happier, and balanced being. I am losing touch of what it feels like to live in balance, and consequently, what it means to be myself and make decisions based upon my attunement to my own character as opposed to instability and fear. Goodness, I am currently metaphorically on my knees praying to the heavens above for something to change. I couldn't be lacking life-balance any more if I tried with all my might.

The points I am reminding myself of are as follows:
1. Keep my creativity
2. Smile every day
3. Focus on positives

In particular, 'Smile every day'.
A smile can speak a thousand words. Behind a meaningful smile are eyes that tell a story. The story is the endearing and most captivating tale.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Every now and then

Every now and then, my heart and mind arrive at the somewhat blunt but painfully true realisation that we are indeed always alone in this life. Goodness knows why each and every time I realise this it hits just as hard, if not harder.

You would assume that when your mind allows you acknowledge this once, that that's it. Why must we then pick up the pieces in order to continue living only to then reach another point that similarly acts as a harsh reminder of the reality of the world, of others, and of your very own inability to live wholly and entirely independently content.

I don't rely on others. Not as far as I'm aware.. I never have done. I 'enjoy' my own space far too much to ever crave the company of others. But I guess it's different now. I have never really felt like I need someone, so this is very much new territory. It is this feeling that acts as a reminder that 'someone' is never really there. You must rely on yourself, make choices, take responsibility, live life.

It is actually an empowering statement, once you get over the knock of absolute loneliness and reality.

By the way, I appear to be letting you into the mind I own at 1am again. Wonders never cease!

Tuesday, 17 July 2012


I have been able to spend some wonderful time with Amber during my week away. Particularly as of late, I am fully appreciating the friends I have who are there.
I have been good friends with Amber for a good few years now. I remember thinking of her as a friend who I doubt I'll ever lose contact with. You know? This girl has seen me at my best and worst. There was a time when we had never even met and I always imagined us to still write to each other in fifty years time as old ladies and tell beautiful stories of our lives, tragic happenings as life dealt us our cards, and the innermost thoughts that are ever so misunderstood by others. We would communicate and share lives as we posted letters overseas or wherever our lives end up. No matter where life takes you location-wise, the occasional letter or card or gift in the post shall always be sent. Phone calls will always be made, and good friends will always be understood and appreciated.
Thank you. X

Sunday, 15 July 2012

V&A fashion exhibition

I could spend all week in this museum.


It appears living alone in the house was nowhere near as easy and idealistic as I'd hoped for.

So yes. I desperately needed a break, so I packed a bag and went to London. I called my Grandparents who live just outside the city in Kent, and took the train out to stay with them. And here I still am. I have drunk plenty of tea and coffee, spent time with Amber (of course - this has been wonderfully brilliant), visited art museums, and even spent today in Dover. There is nothing quite like walking along the sea front with a good friend to clear the cobwebs away from your mind.

I decided to go see a few London agencies yesterday. I guess I'm feeling like I need a change of scenery, to adopt a new life for a while. So, we shall see the outcome of that within the next few days I hope.

I am ready for something to change.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Living life on the edge

Life always looks better with a beautiful view ahead of us. It opens our eyes to the bigger picture and allows us to view the world in it's simplest, most breathtaking form. Somehow then, it's easier to breathe. Perhaps it is the way in which our feet still stand firmly grounded yet we are high, high above the living. Or perhaps it is the height and the freedom, the inhale and exhale of the lungs just seems that bit more powerful when we are towering above the familiar ground in unfamiliar space.
These were the thoughts running through my sometimes overactive mind while I was on a shoot last week. I wish I could write more. I could write page after page about this but for some reason the thoughts are just not translating to adequately phrased, elegant writing tonight.
I suppose if anything, I am learning more and more to live with a positive view of the future as opposed to a tentative fear of life. Afterall, life is, supposedly what we make it. There will always be certain things beyond our control but there are a great deal more that are always and absolutely in the palm of our hands. Time to start living.


Thursday, 5 July 2012

Rob Hefferan work

Some work from a shoot I did maybe 6 months ago.. I hadn't seen any of the images but I was working for the same client yesterday and was shown some of the work we did. Rob is an artist who paints images, so after the shoot is done and he selects the shots, then paints them. Kind of cool - definitely something a little different

Monday, 2 July 2012

Papercut magazine editorial

New Papercut Magazine editorial that I worked on with a lovely, lovely team.
Photographer - Jamie Cowlishaw
Stylist - Sophie Benson
Hair and Makeup - Sarah England
Designer - Umeromaan

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Thought of the day

'I'll always welcome a little crazy in my life'