Tuesday, 29 March 2011


It's been a full day at uni today, and I am tired. I failed to get even an hours sleep last night, which consequently resulted in me spending today in a rather zombie-like state. The reason as to why I spent the night awake? I really don't know. I am not a fan of dwelling on the past. What might have been, what could have been, and what should have been. When will we learn that the past is exactly that - the past. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on!

I got through the day, with no help from caffeine. Just delicious green tea with a hint of jasmine.

With the tiredness cast aside, I've enjoyed today. I am one of those rare people who doesn't mind acknowledging that they enjoy being in uni. Don't get me wrong, give me a ticket to explore the world for the next few years and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I'd be off and out of the country faster than I've ever moved before. But for now, in the here and now, I am enjoying university. It is brilliant to feel at home in a course that eight months ago I was so terrified to begin. I'm glad I did.. Because things are only going from strength to strength, improving with every decision I make.

I am a firm believer that good things happen to good people but we can't just lounge around wallowing in self-pity wishing for things to be a different way. We must be proactive. We must engage with ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, and with the world we are so closely connected to. Empowerment. How can we expect anything to change unless we have an inner drive? Meaning that if we believe in positivity from the inside, we will attract the greater things that we deserve.

Monday, 28 March 2011

The little things in life


It is 7.30pm and the sun is only just beginning to set. This is such a lovely feeling. I spent this morning watching back to back episodes of Waterloo Road, then making some progress with my essay writing, went to an appointment and then spent the rest of the afternoon with an old school friend in town drinking tea. So although I feel like I've had a rather unproductive day, it is actually quite the opposite. I'm about a quarter through my essay, I had a very good appointment, and had a fabulous time catching up on the last few years of our lives with George. The few hours that I wasted in front of the TV can be forgotten about. Damn BBC iPlayer.

It is said that the sun is a mood booster. According to medical experts, the bright light from the sun makes a difference in the chemistry of our brain. This chemistry controls the nerves in our brain that stimulate our moods. So there is a reason as to why we are overwhelmed with joy and feelings of contentment around this time of year. Because finally, after endless months and months of being hidden away, under layers of clothes, fighting the cold English climate, facing grey and dull skies above us and equally grey and miserable people surrounding us... Finally, we have light. I know it is not quite that simple. I would be naive to think that it was. There are much deeper aspects contributing to the psychological well-being than purely the sun! But I do believe it plays a small part. It just makes me look forward to summer.. Makes me crave spontaneity and freedom, and makes me miss those closest to me. It makes me feel young.

Ahh, I must mention the most wonderful surprise the post man delivered through my front door on Saturday morning. A parcel full of goodies including dairy and sugar free delicious treats, and a lovely charm that says 'Enjoy life'.. This was of course from my kind friend Amber. We don't get to chat much these days.. I think mainly due to the fact that she lives in Lincoln and I live up here in good old Yorkshire! But also we are both rather busy people. However, when we do have time to catch up, it is simply lovely. There are so many incredible things I could say about this lady, but if there is one thing I am thankful for, it is her support. I owe her so much more than I could ever give in gifts. I am aware of this becoming a very long and 'fluffy' post, but I do feel ever so lucky.

Friday, 25 March 2011

Good habits

This was my lunch time snack today. As I said, keeping up the fruit and nut intake.. Of course with a lovely cup of tea with soy milk in my Cath Kidston mug..
My book of the moment is 'The fates will find their way' by Hannah Pittard. I am currently half way through it. It's an easy read but also a very good one. It may be partly down to procrastination from writing essays on transactional analysis, but it is definitely an acceptable distraction.

'Perspective suddenly existed where it hadn't existed before. This was just the beginning of our lives - our lives. Things that we were responsible for, things that we could control. It seemed all at once too big and too simple an idea.'

The beginning of new life, perspective, possibilities, responsibility, control... The unknown areas of life are terribly frightening but ironically liberating at the same time. It just depends which frame of mind you choose to live in.


These shots are not actually Alice in Wonderland at all, I am just reminded a lot of that theme when I see these hauntingly lovely shots of Sasha Pivovarova in Vogue Italia 2007. The forest used as the setting here looks like such a lonely place, but not in a sad way.. In a way that could be filled with wonder..

Thursday, 24 March 2011


Golden raisins, yogurt coated raisins, pineapple, papaya, almonds, cashew nuts and pistachio kernels.

I have purchased a large 400g pack of nuts and fruit from Julian Graves in an attempt to increase my protein intake and take better care of my body. It is an absolutely delicious mix, just rather generous in calorie content. But if I try to ignore the numbers, I can accept the food as being lovely and nutritious. Just a small portion a day and hopefully I will begin to notice the difference in my skin, hair and nails. It's not in a vain manner, just in the sense that I really need to learn to have a better and more respectful relationship with my body. My nails often turn a blue colour, my hair falls out, my skin condition is very temperamental, and I am anaemic. Those factors, amongst other things, are helping me see that I do have to make changes. I sometimes struggle to keep up with my own life. Clearly I need to change something..

Caffiene ban is going very well. I am still drinking a few good old cups of tea a day, but that is because there are too many health benefits for me not to.

I was remeniscing last night, of the 'myths' my mother and grandmother used to tell me when I was a child..
'Eat up all your carrots, they help you see in the dark!'
'Eat the crusts from your sandwiches. They make your hair curly'
Ha! If only health benefits were that simple in the real world.

To be young and alive

This Bambi Northwood Spring editorial is like a breath of fresh air. Set in Palm Springs, there is a deserted and rustic lonely feel to the pictures, but the free spirit and serenity is captured wonderfully. I am actually reminded of when I was in Lanzarote last year. Not in the crazy towns that you imagine on the island, but the peacefulness of the blistering sun, even in the evening, in the back streets and the deserted paths. Beautiful.. Take me back there please..

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

This is what today is looking like

Midnight rambling

Mid-week update. Although I really am not sure what exactly I should update about. A strange mixture of emotions and interactions have happened this week, which means there would be a very disjointed bundle of sentances and thoughts in this post.

On a random note though, Supersize vs Superskinny was back on television tonight. I really like watching Dr Christian Jessen and I don't think I have to explain why I think that programme is a good'un. I have been a very royal Queen of procrastination ce soir. Oh dear, I really have. I left uni late this afternoon saying, 'I will write the first eight hundred words of this essay this evening.' and all I have done, is burn my coconut and orchid scented candles, eat soup, drink tea, and watch television. I haven't even begun to look at any work this evening. Tomorrow, maybe. The vague essay plan is written. I don't know how it's reached almost midnight. Time flies when you're having fun, right? Or at least, that's what they say. Whoever 'they' are.

Tomorrow I have a day off. Ah, I wish I didn't have so many days off at the moment. I wonder why I'm not as busy as usual? I need to sort this out. Work harder.

Well, anyway. Yes, tomorrow is a day off, so I shall work then. But my mother is also working from home tomorrow, which could potentially be very awkward and just unpleasant. I don't know exactly what has changed, but I do know that we are not on the best of terms these days. I feel like her entire attitude towards me is changing, like she's not even my mother any more. Almost like she would much prefer me leaving and 'sorting my head out'.. (words from herself) No need to mention that this is making me feel like shit. Absolutely like I couldn't be more unwelcome in my own home. This is a reaccuring feeling that I know I need to address but I fear it's not just another irrational belief, that my feelings are correct.

I am going to do a bit of reading..

Tuesday, 22 March 2011


'In an age of madness, to expect to be untouched by madness is a form of madness. But the persuit of sanity can be a form of madness, too.'
- Saul Bellow

Monday, 21 March 2011

More more more..

A few more shots from the shoot I did in Liverpool a couple of weekends ago. The photographer did a wonderful job with them and so I felt I should post a few more..
Also it's glorious outside again so the sunlight is most certainly adding some positive vibes to this morning. Lovely lovely.

George Romney

George Romney is a late seventeen hundreds English portrait artist.
His work is beautifully elegant and Victorian, so I just had to make note of my favourite pieces of his.
Below, from top to bottom is, Emma Hamilton, Mrs Musters, The Seamstress, and Miss Constable.
I just love the entire concept of these paintings. They were very fashionable in their day but also they have such relevance now, especially as tentative Renaissance themes are becoming more and more embraced in the creative and artistic world.
Note that each woman in these four portraits are all wearing rather luxurious hats. My fascination with hats continues..

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Obsession of the week

Plum tomatoes on the vine.
Absolutely fresh, delicious, and such a good snack for on the move.
Not to mention, very good for you!

Saturday, 19 March 2011


I have come to the conclusion that I must be drawn to images of fashion, beauty and nature incorporated together. It's an irony whereby the elements 'shouldn't' compliment eachother yet when it's done in such a wonderful way, there couldn't possibly be a more beautiful outcome.
Amanda Seyfried is one of those exquisite looking actresses. The cover of April's Elle US, combines Amanda and some farm animals and is going down as one of my top cover shoots of the moment. It's my standard 'lovely, simplistic, delicate, but that certain je ne sais quoi'

Friday, 18 March 2011

Spring is here

I do believe Spring has arrived. It is gloriously sunny outside. Just a few faint white clouds in the sky, and the remainder is warm and blue. It never fails to amaze me how a change in weather can have such an impact on ones mood. I'm looking outside my opened bedroom window and I can't wait to venture outside and begin the day. Currently I am typing while sitting with a facial exfoliating mask on, about to take a shower and eat my breakfast consisting of melon, pear, and almonds. Delicious. Not forgetting rasberry and vanilla tea with a dash of sweetener.

Plan for the day:
Enjoy my breakfast and spend a couple of hours planning my essay and begin to write a draft. That way, I will feel much better knowing I have made a start. Email my lovely Grandpa to enquire about his collection of psychologists books and transactional analysis. Then I shall drive over to York, relax with Anna and then we will head to the theatre this evening and enjoy a girls evening before she goes back home for Easter tomorrow.

I love the warmness of the sun.

Latest preview

Just a sneak peek of my latest shoot with photographer Sarah Johnston. I actually loved working on this one :)

Thursday, 17 March 2011

You are you, and I am I.

'I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
And if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.'

Fritz Perls, 1969.

This is why I don't actually mind doing background reading for my uni work. Infact, I quite enjoy it, because it allows me to come across wonderful words like these. The words speak for themselves, so there is no need for an explanation. Just to note that there is something about them that stays with me. I am aware that this could be read as rather naive and yes, it is a slightly 'hippy/care-free' motto, but it is also one that relieves so much pressure. If we live to constantly please others, how can we ever feel self-fulfilled? It's a self-defeating battle we have already lost.

It's back to the 'I'm okay, you're okay'.. You are you, and I am I.

I must start focusing on some work. It's getting to that time of the semester again. Oh, who am I kidding. I will most likely drink tea and fall asleep..

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Brr it's cold outside.

Currently sporting my faux fur hat indoors. My entire family commented on it when they all walked in the door.. It is really cold though, and it is doing a good job of keeping my head and ears warm.
I am reveling in the fact that I haven't been outdoors all day. I do realise how terribly lazy that makes me sound. Oh, who am I kidding. That IS shockingly lazy behaviour but I don't mind. I needed a day indoors, hiding away from the world while carefully organising the bits and pieces of my own life that I don't usually get time to think about. Uni folders are all organised, a new tax disk for my car is now purchased, I have paid my parking ticket, and spoken to my agency. Just eaten my dinner of quorn and mushrooms marinated in soy sauce. Very delicious.
My protein intake is another aspect of my lifestyle that I am making a conscious effort to improve on. As a vegetarian, (and an incredibly 'fussy' vegetarian at that) I really struggle to maintain a balanced diet. I am aware of that, but I seem to still be reluctant to make any changes. Maybe with one small change at a time, I might be able to think more positively about it.

Emma Forrest

'I have never before experienced such peace or such love. Those twin hippy words of idealism. So shocking, the moments when they're actually tangible.'
- Your Voice in My Head, Emma Forrest.

Mid March

This year so far is flying by, faster than ever before. It is already mid-March. However, I could have been fooled when I tuned into this week's episode of Glee to discover it was a 'Christmas special' ... It is well known that Glee is very much my guilty pleasure (but not so much 'guilty' because I feel no guilt!). But I was ever so concerned that E4 deemed it appropriate to air a Christmas themed programme just as Spring is beginning. Anyway, I still loved it nevertheless.

This week began just fabulously, with an editorial photo shoot at the stunning location of Tatton Park just outside of Manchester. I felt like the royal 'Lady of the manor' all day, dressed in beautiful elegantly styled clothes quite reminiscent of My Fair Lady/Atonement. I was working with a team of really lovely people, which of course makes the job much more enjoyable!

Just a couple of shots from behind the scenes..

I am pretty upbeat today. Quite a few things that I must tick off on my 'to-do list' including renewing my tax disk for my car, updating my uni work, sending a few emails, and calling my agency. But there's no need to rush. Tea to be consumed, books to be read.. Life is good today. Apart from the very grey and misty fog outside my bedroom window, but we shall pretend that it's blue sky instead. I have a vanilla scented candle burning, a hot mug of white tea and rasberry, and a new book to begin reading. Hello relaxation.

Sunday, 13 March 2011


Just the latest of Anna and I..

I am enjoying this weekend very much. Currently relaxing at 9.30am on a Sunday morning. Raining and rather grey outside, but to be fair, what else can we expect from the good old English weather? Yet another reason as to why I am working towards spending this summer out of the country. Yes, yes.

I think I will embrace this relaxing morning with a cup of tea and a good book.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Caffeine ban update

'People with panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder are much more prone to reacting badly from increased heart rate. Caffeine, even in small doses, can create panic attacks and interfere with medications taken to calm the system. Caffeine does reduce dopamine, a chemical produced by the brain that affects the brain’s pleasure centers. This can create more depression and anxiety.'

It has been a week since I decided I will attempt to cut my caffeine intake out of my diet completely. After careful reflection and researching, I realise I do myself no favours at all with my continuous consumption of caffeine rich beverages. Just to mention a few, my skin, teeth, bones, chemical imbalances, blood sugar levels, mood, sleep pattern, anxiety.. They could all be improved on if I even reduced my caffeine intake. A good few months ago, I started my 'new health plan' to consume at least two litres of water a day. Which I have successfully been doing, but I realise that it is very much counter-balanced with my coffee drinking habits too. My aim is to hydrate my body and skin but I contradict that by drinking dehydrating drinks also.

So, to cut a long story short, I am drinking more water and herbal tea, and much less coffee. Definitely something that will benefit me in many areas I hope. With my job it is so important to keep my skin and body at it's best condition, so I really must make an effort. 

This week has been and (almost) gone so incredibly quickly. I don't really know where to begin. I wish it were Friday today. Friday seems like a much nicer day than a Thursday. On the plus-side, I finally had a hair cut this week. The dead ends of my golden locks are no longer existent. Perhaps this is the start of a slightly new me, who takes care of her hair and body. Being kind to ones self and not being set on a path of self destruction is much harder than it seems. Sometimes the logical and 'adult' side of the brain does not match up with the irrational, fearful, and deceitful side. This is where dangerous territory lies, because it leads to conflicting confusion, misery, self doubt, and more often than not, self hatred. Which is the most difficult feeling to shift, when it is a belief that has been set in stone for longer than some can even remember. 

I am extremely tired!
So I plan on retiring to bed....

Take flight

Current obsession - Karen Elson. She seems to be cropping up in many places lately. I really like this new parachute inspired spread in V Magazine shot by Ryan McGinley..

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Hello Tuesday morning

What a lovely thing to wake up to on a Tuesday morning. Before I madly rush about the house getting ready to leave for the day, I shall just share with you this Vogue Italia editorial with Karen Elson. She is styled in Spring 2011 Prada and I love the almost theatrical edge to these images. But other than that, I just simply adore Karen Elson. Partly because she was 'born' at my agency, partly because she quite clearly rocks the red-head look perfectly. And also because it is quite common for people to compare me with her, in the sense that some of my work has a very Elson-esque feel to it. I take these words very humbly and as a great compliment because this woman is just one of a kind.

Weekend in Liverpool

I am finally home and feeling slightly more human after both last night and the evening before completely crashing in bed, falling asleep with glasses on, lights on, not ready for sleep but quite obviously my body has been in desperate need of the rest.
I shall re-phrase that. I am not really feeling any more like a human being, I am still very much floating along in some strange parallel universe. I have been in uni today, then had a meeting, and then a hair appointment in which I finally had a little trim. My dead ends are no longer attached to my golden locks.

The above pictures are from a very enjoyable shoot I did this weekend in Liverpool. It was a longer drive than I had anticipated, but actually it was very much worth the travelling. The location, theme, and the team were all just wonderful. It is lovely when something works so beautifully together. It is much better to shoot over a couple of days rather than just one crazy and hectic day. You can really become comfortable with one another then, and settle into the flow of the days and let the creativity flow a little more. I also think there is a certain element about working at the weekend, which must subconsciously allow us to relax slightly more into work, creating a much more laid back work ethic. Still getting lots done, but while enjoying the company. I stayed with Tasha on Saturday evening, which was a welcome break and very relaxing. While being obviously lovely to see her and catch up on the usual man gossip and life/work chats.

I am currently wondering what the rest of this week will hold. I must email my uni tutor before I sleep, to inform her that I will not be attending tomorrow's lectures.

Oh, life! x

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Friday feeling

So, it is currently 00.12am and I suppose that makes it a Saturday now. Another week gone by.
It really has been a little crazy and I noticed I haven't updated since Tuesday. This week has consisted of a lot of driving, uni work, reading, show castings, very exciting talks about the possibility of travelling, some very lovely highs, and some rather hopeless lows too. All of this, done minus my iPhone. Being without a phone is beyond stressful and I have a tendancy to overreact very irrationally to these kinds of situations but I forced myself to be an adult and make a plan of action. It may have taken all week to finally have a new iPhone fully functioning and in use, but at least it is all back to how it 'should' be now.

It is my beautiful mother's birthday tomorrow, and I feel like a terrible daughter because I won't be here to celebrate. I have a photoshoot all weekend in Liverpool, therefore I will not be present for family dinner and gift-giving sessions. Similarly, I missed Frankie's birthday earlier this year, because of a job aswell. There seems to be a pattern developing here, whereby I inconveniently book shoots on days that do not suit. But I suppose it can't be helped. Life is never simple. On a very positive note, I am staying in Preston with Tasha tomorrow evening, to make the journey to Liverpool much easier and also to have a lovely evening catching up and having the casual gossip sessions.

I realise this has been a rather pointless post but I felt the need to update. I am quite detatched from any kind of emotion tonight so it is easier just to avoid even trying to acknowledge my mind on evenings like this.

Good night x

Tuesday, 1 March 2011


'Our ability to be creative makes human beings quite wonderful creatures. That we can employ imagination to knit together our thoughts and feelings into beautiful things.'
Eric Maisel

Hello March

'I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts'
John Locke

I have been at uni today and came across this quote while reading a rather difficult but seemingly interesting book by Robert Landy. The psychoanalysts approach to the comparison of life, the world, and the stage. I am not sure of my thoughts on this idea yet but I do know that I easily find myself intrigued - Most probably because I have always known my passion for the theatre and love for the arts is so deep within me that I instantly feel a connection to an idea like this, even if I do not whole heartedly agree.

It has been a rather productive day, until I arrived home tonight to discover that my phone had been lost/stolen. I stressed myself out to the extreme. I have such irrational responses to things like this. Such small, insignificant things, in the grand scheme of life. Just my phone. But no! I go ahead and freak out. It is sorted now though - just have to be without a phone tomorrow and wait for my new one to arrive tomorrow evening. Still highly frustrating..

2am, bed time I reckon. Happy first day of March...