Thursday, 30 June 2011


'Tout est question d'equilibre'
Everything is a matter of balance.

My incredibly beautiful friend Zana posted this on her twitter earlier. I saw it, fell in love, and thought it should go here just to act as a small reminder if I, or anyone else should forget for a moment.

Eat, pray, love (2)

As I am still reading the lovely book 'Eat, Pray, Love', I thought it fitting to post another quote that I seem to find myself attracted to these days. Allowing things to 'just be' is such a scary and seemingly impossible task for some in this world. I understand why. I have spent most of my life living as one of those being afraid. But being afraid is not really 'living' at all.

'Letting go, of course is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well - that would be the end of the universe...
Why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential? Why don't you let it be?'
Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert.

'The graceful'

Oui oui, that is apparently moi! As the Boss blog says with my new Paul Jones pics:

Day eight in Japaaan.
I'm actually really happy today. Perhaps I am settling in more, or beginning to find my feet. Or maybe I just enjoyed having a day off and getting out of my apartment. Or it could be because last night I had the best sleep I've had since I got here. I didn't wake up every half an hour due to insane heat in the apartment, because the girls helped me fix my air conditioning and it's now at a much cooler and live-able temperature and I can actually sleep. So I slept last night for a good eight hours only disturbed a couple of times by the traffic going on outside.

This morning was spent chilling and reading, then I decided to do some exploring when I was told there was no castings today. So I got my map out and took the subway into Osaka center. It's huge. Actually, more than huge. I wanted to find the Osaka Gardens and some places near there but decided not to because it was so busy. So I found myself wandering around and eventually found a Starbucks. (yes, every single country I have visited ALWAYS has a Starbucks available! Although I don't think many can outshine the wonderful Starbucks I found in Istanbul city center with outdoors seating on a balcony overlooking the water. Pretty incredible!) So anyway, today -  sat down, ordered a cup of tea, took out my journal, my sketch book and had my thoughts and wi-fi. Pretty content me.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

I want to ride my bicycle

I love the song! Also, I do want to ride my bicycle.
Or at least a bicycle. Any one I can get hold of? ALL the Japanese cycle, and the walkways are filled with the tiny Japanese on their tiny little bikes, and then there's me. Tall pale red headed me, white as anything, walking along with my chicken legs out! I would very much like it if we were allowed to at least hire the bikes here. But we're not allowed.
Apparently it's like owning and driving a car. You have to be taxed and registered to use a bike. And unfortunately, we are not permanent residents here, so we would get into trouble if we did start cycling along the streets. Such a shame. It would be a great way to lose the extra weight they want me to, while keeping fit and toned. Plus, it would be wonderful for days like today. I have had pretty much the entire day off. We have castings but not until 5pm and it's only 3.15pm now.
I have been productive though. Models tend to live messy lives, and the fridge was so unclean, so I took everything out, cleaned from top to bottom (it's only a tiny fridge anyway!) and put only the good stuff back in. Showered, read a little, began to learn some Japanese, although it's actually pretty difficult.
Anyway - mid afternoon update - done.
Ah, new thing I learned also. When the Japanese greet each other or meet, they do not shake hands. Instead, they bow. I am already doing this, but the tendency is this: the greater respect you have for the other person, the bigger bow you make. These bows can be either a small nod of the head to the other person, or a full on bow of the body.
Learning new things all the time here!

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Eat, pray, love

'The easiest, most fundamentally human way to say it is that I have put on weight. I exist more now than I did four months ago. I will leave Italy noticeably bigger than when I arrived here. And I will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person - the magnification of one life, is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody's but my own.'
Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat, Pray, Love.

This is not the most random quote I could have picked out to share as it may seem. It is however, ironic in that I am here in Japan with my modelling agency ordering me to lose weight, and I am currently mid-way through reading a book about a woman who travels across the world on a mission to find her soul (and while spending four months in Italy, has gained twenty five pounds, and appears to be almost celebrating her weight gain in such a way that I had never thought was possible.)

I actually saw this book when it was released last year as a film, before I decided to read it. It has taken me until this trip to bring the book with me and read while we are travelling to and from castings. There is only so much of my iPod that I can listen to all day long, and sometimes the only chat that's going on in the car is Russian gossip, which quite frankly, I do not understand a single word of! So, the best thing to do for now is to engross myself in a book that's easy to read, quite lighthearted, but holds some form of sentimental meaning.

I have a feeling I will have worked my way through a mountain of books by the time I am finished here..

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Hello Japan

I've been here four days now, so I thought it was about time my blog was updated.
Life here is like a totally different world. I don't really know where to begin!
I arrived on Thursday morning at 9am, and was taken straight from the airport to my agency here, greeted, had measurements, polaroids, etc.. and told what I should/should not be eating. Then some of the other models arrived at the agency and we were driven around the city for an afternoon of castings. After castings and surviving the heat over here, we were driven back to the apartment, which is just a short walk and two subway stops from the agency, so it's really close. Friday was very similar. Straight to the agency in the morning, and castings until 8pm.

The castings here are so different to English ones. To start with, there is the complete language barrier. We are taken by someone from the agency, who does all the communicating for us. I am just learning the word 'arragato' which I believe means thank you. Although I'm not quite sure of my spelling! There are no other English models here either. So it's not just the Japanese clients with the language and cultural barrier. There are a couple of American girls, some Russian, Polish, South African, Lithuanian.. Girls from all over the world. I was sharing my apartment with a Polish girl but she got sent home on Friday so currently I am alone in my ninth floor apartment.

So it's now Sunday evening and I've had the weekend to begin settling into the apartment and try to get to grips with where abouts I am in relation to the rest of the city. I attempted the subway yesterday to find Osaka castle but I got totally lost and returned home via some shops. Today I opted for a rather chilled day, cleaned the apartment because models live a very messy life. And read my book.. Now it's the evening and I'm pretty tired so I plan on sleeping soon, ready for this week which I have a feeling will be rather hectic and will take a lot of getting used to.

Monday, 20 June 2011


It's a pretty well known fact among my family and friends that I adore Robbie Williams. Him, the way his songs are composed and written, his life, the way he presents himself to the world. I think he is beyond brilliant. It seems fitting that I listen to his albums while I begin my packing for Japan. I'm feeling rather strange tonight. This is partly because I am missing my weekly dosage of Glee (I am a self confessed lover of this genius musical and theatrical television series!). It was the season finale last week, so there is not much on TV tonight. Good timing actually, since I only have one more day left in England for the rest of summer.

Currently I am packing and realizing that I am not half as materialistic as I used to be. My goodness, if this was a few years ago I would have freaked the hell out at the thought of leaving for a few months and having to pack for this length of time while keeping within a twenty three kilo luggage limit. But right now - I seem to have grown away from that 'need' to have my possessions routinely attached to my side. Maybe I have finally realized for myself that I can indeed survive and enjoy life's wonders without certain rituals and rules. Despite having a half packed case, very limited understanding of the Japanese culture, food, and work, zero knowledge of the language, and not having a clue what will happen, I am incredibly excited for my trip.

The unknown is often more exciting than the known. The reason being, because we cannot prepare too much. There is no way of predicting the outcome based on our pre-decided ideals. Our only choice is to live, learn, and embrace.

Love somebody

'It'll come in your sweet time, Lord
I just gotta let you in
The blind leading the blind, Lord
Getting underneath your skin
I can feel you in the silence
Saying let forever be
Love, only love, will set you free.'
Robbie Williams (Love Somebody)

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Japanese visa

Visa has finally arrived, flights are booked, phone plan is changed to allow usage abroad, and I now have to begin getting ready to leave - packing and such must be done at some point! Highly excited about this. Not so thrilled about the long flight, but I hope it is all worth it when I arrive in Japan. I leave at 10am on Wednesday morning and arrive in Osaka at 9am on Thursday morning. Any boredom travelling tips would be highly appreciated!

In other news - There is not much more to say. I have been chilling with my lovely best friend Mark, and my thrilling life led me to watch the entire series of The Apprentice today. Well, up until the most recent episode. I am ashamed/proud (I haven't worked that out yet) to say that I am well and truly hooked. The Nakd wholefoods bar is still going strong too. I really have taken quite a liking to them. Shame, since I very much doubt they sell them in Japan!

Before this post develops into the highly sought after 'ramblings of Tanya Beetham', I shall say bon nuit, and get myself some beauty sleep. It is the middle of the night after all. But we do know that this tends to be prime blogging time..

German Vogue 2008

These pictures allow me to remember my dancer days. The story is actually entitled 'Pas de deux', which any dancer will know, equates to a duet performance. However it's only the one girl dancing. Slightly odd, as to the title. But that issue put aside it is a simply beautiful editorial. Karlie Kloss is photographed by Dusan Reljin. I honestly will never tire of browsing through old Vogues and discovering new gems.

Thursday, 16 June 2011


It is currently 00.25am and there is not much to say, so this will be a rather uneventful update. Just an advance warning.

I have been pretty immobile. Not because I can't move. I can. I've indulged in watching the entire first season of Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives (which is a hell of a lot of television watching for someone who usually barely finds time to stick to my one hour a week of Glee). Chilling at home has become very comfortable while I wait and wait patiently for my visa. I took a flying visit to London yesterday with my beautiful friend Zana. I went to get the visa finalized so now I feel much better knowing more about my plans for Japanese travel. I should fly out Monday/Tuesday. Woo hoo. Please fast forward the next few days?

Today I had a little hair cut to keep the healthy golden locks up. And I discovered the goodness of nakd wholefoods bars. Oh my life, they are delicious. It'll be the cashew cookie for me tomorrow I think. One hundred percent vegan raw foods. This is what the majority of my diet is at the moment. It's a change for the better I think. A step away from the sweetened caffeinated chemical filled food and a step toward a nourished and healthier me.

My sketch book and pencil have also made a significant appearance today. I decided to reignite my love for art and dug out some old editorials and attempted some sketches and such. It is such a relaxing hobby.

Vogue Italia 2007

'Supermodels enter rehab'
I love this story so much. These are only some of the shots Steven Meisel shot for this Vogue editorial back in 2007. Steven Meisel's work is never short of incredible. But this for me, is always going to be one of my favourites of his.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

She's a rainbow

I came across these new images of model Charlotte Free shot by Paul Schmidt for Jalouse June/July 2011. Not usually the style that I tend to 'love' - but these, I do. The colour, more than anything. The way they are statement yet so understated at the same time.

Monday, 13 June 2011


'She thought with a sort of pride that she had no place anywhere. Normal people think I belong with them. But I couldn't stay an hour among them. I need to live out there, on the other side of the wall. But they don't want me there.'
Jean-Paul Sartre


Sometimes simple is most effective. I think this shot is lovely.
Anais Pouliot by Daniel Jackson.

Thoughts of today

Not directed at any particular event, moment, or person. Just my observations and general thoughts.

Life is what you make it. If you constantly tell yourself that life is shit, people are a let down, the whole world is set against you, and your weekend is ruined before it has even begun, then yes. Yes, that is of course what it will feel like. The power of the subconscious mind. If you believe something with such strength and conviction, then eventually it will become your reality. It works both ways. Positive psychology - learning to love and becoming a more fulfilled being. Or negatively - a glass half empty. Pessimistic belief systems, and a faithless and doubting mind. Not only impacting your own life, but also the lives of those around you. We are not all perfect. In fact, there is not a soul on this earth who IS perfect, and I am as imperfect as the person next to me. But I wish that more people were able to see past their own small world and into the bigger world they live in. To realize that they are only one miniscule part of a huge jigsaw puzzle, bigger than we could ever imagine. To understand that their thoughts and actions are not the only ones that matter. And to learn that if they want something to happen and if they are so unbearably and so passionately ready for change - then make it happen. Do something about it. Be the change that you so desperately wish for. If you don't at least try, life will always remain the same.

It's about working with what you've got. Not about wishing you had more/something different. We can strive towards our aims and ambitions. That's a healthy outlook and shows that the future is possible. But it reminds me of the old saying, whereby life is referred to as a pack of cards, and we learn to play with the cards we are dealt, however unfair that may seem. Even if the 'good guy' always receives the bad hand, and the 'bad guy' seems to escape unscathed. Even if good deeds are unrecognized or even punished.

Whether you are a good guy or a bad guy, the person who has unconditional faith in all, or the person who is the first to blame and throw stones toward the firing line, the same goes for all. Sometimes the only one you can safely rely upon is yourself. Most definitely not as easy and straight forward as it sounds, but when it comes to it - it is pretty accurate.

Empowerment and belief. Not just a pessimistic opportunist.

Saturday, 11 June 2011


'I have decided to stuck with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.'
Martin Luther King

I tend to write a lot about the people and things in life that I 'love', but that does not imply that I don't feel anger or negativity. I do. Perhaps no more or no less than the person next to me, but I just dislike admitting to those feelings because they don't sit well with me. I am not a bad person. In fact I am a pretty peaceful and calming girl to be around. I do not hate the world, nor do I believe that the world hates me. But yes, of course I have those moments, and days when nothing I do seems to be right,life feels like an uphill battle, my temper burns up to boiling point and I lose control. It is for those moments that these words are important.

Summer show

For the past few days I have been working away at a fashion show at a very posh outdoors summer event involving lots of guests, champagne drinking, lunch eating, tennis, and of course incredible Jimmy Choo's and lovely collections from Harvey Nichols. I stayed at my beautiful friend Rachel's house, enjoyed lots of night time chats and tea drinking. It has been great. Plus, my Japanese visa arrived while I was away but it is being delivered again on Monday! Woooohoo.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Nicole Farhi

'There is as much beauty on the street as on the catwalk. Just open your eyes and you will see it.'
Nicole Farhi

Monday, 6 June 2011

Gaga, cocktails, spontaneity, friends, love.

So, Rachel and her friend Katie decided they would pay Anna and I a visit in York, to chill at the carnival, drink tea, and have lovely chats and giggles. They arrived in York of course greeted by hugs and smiles as we headed into town for coffee while we settled down. We proceeded to walk half way down the street when we spotted Evil Eye, a really chilled cocktail bar down one of the lovely cobbled streets. After wandering in just to take a peek, we were six hours later, rather merry, running for the last train back to Manchester where we all stayed at Rachel's. We ate, watched Gaga, chatted and laughed endlessly until it was light outside and the birds were singing.

Well, things are never easy are they? But it is weekends like these that make all the sad and difficult things disappear for a while. I always value the power of love and friendship. Let the pictures tell the story!

Ginger moments

It is a well known fact to all gingers that we instantly feel a lovely connection to a fellow ginger. No words, no action, just eye contact. Quite simple, even amongst the animal variety. Last night (which I shall post about soon!) we very spontaneously (and drunkenly) stayed at Rach's in Manchester. She has the most beautiful ginger cat, whom I adore. I think it liked me too.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Paul Jones

And some more new shots, from the lovely, lovely photographer Paul Jones. Hair and make up by Holly Fairclough.