Tuesday, 28 February 2012

to rescue from anonymity

'A person may mention a bird's name even if the creature is not present and correct. A person may even select a flying creature of his own invention. To give a thing a name, a label, a handle; to rescue it from anonymity, to pluck it out of the place of namelessness, in short - to identify it. Well, that's a way of bringing the said thing into being.'
- Salman Rushdie, Haroun and the Sea of Stories (1990)

Monday, 27 February 2012

song of today

'Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see.'
- Coldplay, Swallowed in the Sea.

My adoration for Coldplay's music is being remembered this week. Cannot stop listening to these albums. The music brings life alive sometimes. That makes the oddest kind of logical sense in my mind.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

maybe I am just weird

Back from another night at home. I needed to escape the house for a night.
I have little well-known twitter rants that tend to fall under the hash-tag #housematerant.
Okay, yes. Best not to write anything negative on twitter at all! They are mainly somewhat meaningless and harmless rants. But this weekend the house was busy and noisy and full of disgustingly smelly fry up breakfasts and strangers. Too much. Loudness and talking and people laughing and me unable to breathe. Far too much for anyone.
And this is me. Tanya. Me. I am none of these things. Loudness and noise are not words ever to be associated with who I am. That's not a bad thing. I am quiet and a little reserved. I have a presence. But it's almost like an unspoken presence. Maybe I am just weird. If so, then that's okay. So I'm quiet, reserved, and a little weird. Maybe 'dark and twisty' - a little secretive. But quietly content most of the time, because I make it so. So I took myself away to escape. It was brilliant. The brilliant great escape. If you don't like a situation, then take yourself out of it, oui?
So last night was spent like an oh-so glamorous Saturday night should be spent. Drinking tea, wearing the thirteen year old sister's penguin pyjamas, and watching television on the sofa with the sister and the dog.
I am now rested and ready to face the world for another week now.
I actually have to write an assignment for Social Psychology this week. Oh, joys.
Joys of life.
I now want some more carrots.. and a bit of frothed up soy milk.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

great great grandmother's ring

This ring belonged to my Great great grandmother & it is now mine. Eeeee, I love it lots. Thanks to my Nan for bringing it up for me


Boom. That's been today. Combined with excessive tea consumption, running my phone battery dead during lectures due to Twitter distractions, falling asleep on trains, running to catch trains, and waiting waiting waiting at the agency.. there's my day. It ended with laying on the sofa watching the Brit awards and a goodnight kiss on the head for the lovely Anna.
Second day in a row that my morning has been too rushed to even make my bed. I am aware I possibly may come across as an anal freak, but so be it. I DO freak if I can't make my bed in the morning. It raises my anxiety to return back home to a messy bed.
Safe to say I shall appreciate a lie in tomorrow morning, oui :)

Monday, 20 February 2012

new week and it's looking like this

Magazine shoot this morning was fun and fresh and oh, so incredibly speedy. I think I had about five looks overall and we had finished shooting by lunch time. Practically unheard of, but such a good feeling. So I took the train back up to uni armed with an obligatory cup of tea and attended the lecture I thought I was going to miss. All's good that ends good, so they say. I have an equally if not more crazy day ahead tomorrow so must must sleep.
Calm thoughts..
What on earth did people do before alarm clocks were invented?
That is what I would like to know!
Bon nuit

Sunday, 19 February 2012


Just a quick snap shot of myself and Brys. Note my new vintage scarf I purchased a few days ago. Very lovely find in a charity shop!

show time

This weekend I ventured back to the little Town of Harrogate where I spent the majority of time with my mother, grandmother, and sister. It was nice to see family. Perhaps I am slightly obliged to say that it was 'nice to see family' - because if I am honest, it is very nice to be back in York.
It was Bry's dance show. That was the reason behind me going back, and she was, of course incredibly beautiful on stage. It's strange how a thirteen year old girl can transform herself into a young dancer with stage presence and confidence. She just performed beautifully and I feel pretty proud of her. It also of course brings back to me all my memories of my school years and the countless shows I did. Some at the Royal Hall, others at the Theatre, the international center, others various locations and cities. Lots of studio time, rehearsals, stage make up, rehearsing, rehearsing, rehearsing, rehearsing, working hard all for that sublime magical moment on stage when the lights shine, curtains rise, audience applauds, music plays, and all that's left is you against the world. And you are winning.
You are lost, but very much there. And always winning.
You are flying high above the rest.
It's a wonderful feeling.
'Wonderful' can be anything you want it to be.
But it is always wonderful.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

castings, trains, coffee & birthdays

Today was one of those days when I arrived home at about 10pm to an incredibly messy bedroom. I should note that 'messy' for my standards is when I don't have time to make my bed in the morning and I have a few clothes scattered around with slippers in the middle of the floor rather than nicely put away in their place.
Trains, castings, Starbucks, and Moor's birthday celebrations in the form of a lovely dinner out this evening. Perfect way to relax and end the day. Any time spent with these three girls is time well spent.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

fate of the well known is to be misunderstood

'The fate of the well known is to be misunderstood'

After watching the BAFTA's on Monday evening, Meryl Streep stated this in her acceptance speech. It's stuck with me. Not because she's referring to Margaret Thatcher. In fact, we can forget the context of which she was speaking and just take these words as they stand.
It's a little ironic that the well known are destined to be misunderstood, is it not? Is it judgmental onlookers who are often too quick to cast a stone? Or is it self-preservation and self-protection to the extent of a creation of the  false-self which we present to the world. A mask, or a facade?
I think we sometimes have to alter the way we view people, and perhaps that lies in altering the way we view ourselves.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

happy Valentines day

I may be one happy girl living a single life but there is certainly no escaping the fact that today is the day of the year that love is celebrated. I, however, spent the day blissfully detached from the country's sometimes sickeningly beautiful couples with a lovely team of people shooting spring summer clothes. Not a bad days work. Got some results back from last semester at uni, relief because they are not as bad as I had feared! And spent last evening at home in Harrogate because my darling sister drove me to the location this morning. Nice to see her, not to mention a much welcomed break from my legendary housemate rants.
Anyways, I have been crashed on the sofa in a zombie-like state for the past couple of hours so I shall now consider heading to bed for a relatively early night (after leaving a little shot of today's beautiful red lipstick).
Bon nuit 

Thursday, 9 February 2012

hello February

I suppose there's no time like the present for a blog. And oui oui, it is indeed approaching 2am, therefore I have no explanation as to why I am awake other than my head doesn't appear to wish for sleep.
So as we finally have the internet connection back in our house I thought I may quickly catch up on here and post something. Well, something in the form of an update. Since being back at school (university), life has consisted of castings and lectures and miles of walking in-between. Lots of castings for jobs which I may or may not get, and lots of lectures while I adjust my mind back into the swing of learning and I still await my grades back from last semester.

This last weekend deserves a mention. Anna and I had a visit from the lovely Amber. It snowed, we drank tea, wine, and spent a few days as if we had known each other for years. Which some may say we have :) - It was just brilliant. Brilliant to be blissfully happy in the company of friends. There was a small moment which I cannot let escape my memory. The 'piano man' in York decided he would sit out with his piano on a street-lamp lit street with snow falling, and play his songs. People came out of the pubs and sang along and we were suddenly part of something a little magical. We watched and we danced. It was cold but it didn't matter. A somewhat insignificant small moment but it's possibly the happiest I have felt for quite some time.

The weekend ended with a Sunday evening performance of Swan Lake by the Moscow City Ballet. Oh my, it was beautiful. Elegant, graceful, and beautiful. I was surprised at how moving a live orchestra can be also. As a girl with a fair amount of experience as a dancer, I was not only drawn into the ever so aesthetically pleasing and lovely performance on stage, but also developed quite an appreciation for the live music. That, or my love for music was re-awakened. Either way, it was beautiful.

I think some sleep now would do me some good. Some would call it beauty sleep but I'm not convinced there's much beauty to be created in just four hours so I shall just rest my eyes.
Bon nuit