Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Happy 21st Anna

This weekend was the 21st birthday of the beautiful friend and housemate and wonderful human being that is Anna Pob. Here is the lovely lady and I

people and life and us

Here I am, sat in starbucks. Standard blogging location.
Thinking about thinking.
I'm alone with a cup of tea surrounded by strangers, (mostly foreigners. In fact, I think I may just be one of the only English people in here) and I have the thought of people. People and life and us. I know the laws of living. 'They' say (by 'they', I am referring to the nameless 'wise ones') that people appear in our lives for a reason. We can accept this reason for whatever it may be. But 'they' never tell us why people leave. Why do they leave? I am only young yet I've experienced so many come, proceed to teach beautiful lessons, and subsequently leave. People are such powerful and valued aspects of human life. They leave because life takes us there. Because time says so. Because it's written in the stars, or whichever beautiful metaphorical justification seems most appropriate.
Let's freeze time and let's stand still.
We do have the gift of the moment and it is as beautiful as we let it be.

These are the random workings of my mind this afternoon.


Yoga may become my new hobby and love. I live for the 'healthy mind, healthy body' philosophy and yoga seems to fit the bill perfectly. Absolutely perfectly.
Tonight it was wonderful to go to yoga class after travelling back from castings. The relaxation of the mind really almost revitalises the entire body.
I do believe I've found a new love. Let's see how this continues

Friday, 20 January 2012


This week has seen the end of semester one at university, finally. No more exams or deadlines this month and an entire week and a half left of living absolutely serenely and blissfully university-free. I am also realizing the strange concept of being exactly half way through my degree. One more semester to go until I shall be a third year student.
So since Tuesday I have been living as said - entirely free of any form of university-induced stress. It is beyond wonderful. A few castings, coffee/tea dates, watching movies, seeing friends, reflections about life, the universe, and everything. It only seems fitting before a weekend of celebrations which commences today.
Anna's 21st and my brother returning home from New Zealand.
I am embracing it all and being 'shiny and happy'

Monday, 16 January 2012


I don't seem to be being sent to castings and such at the moment so my life has been coffee, tea, revision... pretty constantly for the past week. It's not too bad. I mean, revision has to be done.. It's just ridiculously boring perhaps, when you own a mind that at times appears to have an entirely independent mind of it's own.
The psychology of child development..
Exam is tomorrow. And it's currently almost 10am and I am sat in the university library with a cup of tea just waiting. What am I waiting for? For 12pm tomorrow when the exam is over and I will have precisely thirteen days of a life completely university-free.
I love my course and subject, I do. But I have an over-active imaginative brain that cannot focus on this revision. So I find distractions. Lovely, lovely distractions to avoid the thought of failure. Reading books, watching films, indulging in a little retail therapy, planning my birthday (which is over four months away!)

Revision.. revision.. revision..

On a lighter (and somewhat happier note), it was my beautiful sister's 18th birthday this weekend and we had wonderful celebrations for her. Lots of champagne and a lovely dinner. Possibly may have slightly over-indulged. But that's okay. I am onto the home-made soups and herbal teas this week.

After this damn exam...
Ahhh. Someone provide me with either a photographic memory or just a whole load of motivation?

Sunday, 8 January 2012

counting down

Counting down the minutes
Not for anyone or anything in particular, just because, well.. what else is there to do when one is wide awake at 4.40am?
Sleeping patterns are becoming beyond ridiculous.

The past few days have been rather productive, despite the odd habits of sleeping my body has fallen into. I have completed two of my assignments, one being my research proposal, which I had been working on for a good while and feel incredibly relieved to have that one completed. It will potentially be the makings of my dissertation for next year, so I'm hopeful that the tutors will approve. I think I mentioned this before, but I have enjoyed working on that one project. Attachment theory is fascinating to me, as are interpersonal relationships and human interaction.

Now assignments are completed, I have to really focus on revision.
Revision, revision, revision..
It's difficult. Being a perfectionist, implies that I am never really 'finished'. Nothing seems good enough. Nothing ever seems 'just right' - and so work/ revision/ just about anything I do in life, will somehow never quite seem to measure up in my mind.
Could, would, should?... It all means nothing when it's in the past anyway. I am referring to life now. Not work.. But it does get me thinking.
If we accept the fact that we will never measure up, then why do we keep on trying? We insist. We don't give up.. Why is this? Where does this sheer determination and the indefinite 'need' stem from? Perhaps we haven't really accepted life at all. Maybe we will only accept it when it's all too late. When there's no going back. When the moment is history. Once a moment is in the present, it's there for merely a split second. The moment that split second is gone and we can reflect upon it, it then becomes a moment in history. No longer in the 'here and now'. No longer present.

There is actually a lovely piece of writing that reflects the idea of life and the present moment.

'You in reality work in any direction from zero degrees, which is where you are now.
But 'now' doesn't exist.
You are walking backward into a hurricane and can only tell which way to go because of the debris that flies past you. Or you are blown about in this hurricane, judging only the past whether you look into the wind or with it. If you 'see it coming', you have already reduced it to a judgement of the past - since all judgements are necessarily of past experiences.
Best not to worry about direction at all.
Just be.
Direction is already there.'
- Jim Fiddes, College student (term paper).

Friday, 6 January 2012

new work

Just a couple from a bridal job I did before Christmas..
It was a cold, cold, cold day but dresses were beautiful and worked with wonderful team :)

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

A single man

This evening we watched the film, 'A Single Man'
It's currently 2.30am and we clearly have nothing more to do with the early hours of the morning other than drink hot chocolate and watch good films. And why not?

A Tom Ford film starring two of the most beautiful actors/actresses, Colin Firth and Julianne Moore.
I am aware this is my second consecutive post about a film. And yes, a film is a film. It is not reality. But sometimes, a break away from reality does us the world of good. Why had I not seen this film sooner? Breath-takingly beautiful and somewhat existential story following a lost and desolate single man who searches for the meaning of his very existence. Ironically, he is no longer even searching. He has given up the search, ready to die. But we watch the story unfold as he reaches his point of acceptance.

'A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. It's as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.'
- A Single Man.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

girl with the dragon tattoo

First film I've seen of 2012 and ohh my, what a brilliant one. Definitely a must-see if you haven't already.
Even if it's just to appreciate Daniel Craig in his masculine glory.
Or the beautiful woman known as Rooney Mara

'What has happened to you? How did you turn out this way? You know everything about me. I don't know shit about you. Not a damn thing.'
'That's just the way it is.'

Monday, 2 January 2012

2012 shall look like this..

Hello new year

New years is a time for bringing friends/ family together to celebrate the year and welcome the new year in with hopes and wishes for all good things to come.
It has been a brilliant week to draw the year of 2011 to a finish. In fact, I decided to look through my diary of 2011, just as a little reminder of all I've done. It fills me with such happiness to see practically every day filled with something. Friends, trips away, jobs, shoots, classes, holidays, weekends, birthdays, celebrations, family, meeting new people, reminiscing with the old, re-kindling beautiful friendships, and welcoming new ones into my life.

Of course, life is uncontrollably up and down. But it's bloody difficult to look back on a year in this way and not feel overwhelmingly full of contentment. Full of life, full of love, and full of appreciation. Hopefully this is what the coming year shall continue to be. I don't like the word 'resolutions', but I've created a list of plans for 2012 - a little picture shall be posted soon.
New years celebrations - Began a couple of days ago with a family visit to the London family. We had a brilliantly festive time together. The lengthy drive was every minute worth the day we spent there. An afternoon walk through Hampstead Heath, the most wonderfully cooked Christmas lunch, followed by bringing the evening to a close with entire family games of charades and such-like accompanied with food, drinks, and plenty of smiles, laughs, and stories. Just lovely. It was sad to be missing my brother who's been out in New Zealand this year. He's been missed much more than we've even let him know. But nevertheless, it's been a great high to end the year with.

New years eve consisted of myself and three beautiful friends over at our house. We went out for dinner and cocktails before closing the evening with food, more wine, happiness, DVD's, and lovely conversation. Very chilled. Very 'us'. As I very often say - it's the simple things that bring colour and love to life.

Long may this positivity last.
Happy 2012.
'Wherever you go, go with all your heart.'
- Confucius