Saturday, 30 June 2012

The Beetham Siblings

The Beetham siblings: Luke, Frankie, Bryony, and myself.
I spent the day in the hometown of my family yesterday - Harrogate. Had a catch up and exchange of gossip with Tasha over coffee in the morning. It was a relief to find that I was not alone in my feelings about someone. Sometimes people change, sometimes they don't, and sometimes it is near impossible to figure out what has changed, if anything.
After spending the afternoon at home with Frankie helping her prepare herself for her leavers ball at school, I spent a nice early evening with Zan, talking. Talking and figuring out this crazy thing we call 'life'. We have plans, well, I have plans. But it involves us both. It's exciting. After watching The Dead Poet's Society last night, the phrase 'Carpe Diem' could not be more appropriate. Particularly because I am on the edge of the very edge anyway.

Back onto the Beetham Siblings, oh, how we are growing up. Giving my mother space. Goodness, even my mother is becoming older, Not that she looks it or Likes to think about it. We are all growing up.

Friday, 29 June 2012

Is it okay?

Is it okay if I am not so okay myself? I ask this with sincerity but I really have no idea who in particular I am asking.
Does anyone have the answers to some of life's troubling dilemmas? Because I certainly am struggling to locate these mystery answers myself. Mystery answers to the questions that i wish i could answer myself. Paradoxically, I think it is me and me alone who can really answer anyway, afterall, it's only my own answer that holds any sense of realistic meaning. It's strange yet exciting how life takes unexpected twists and turns - often unannounced and we are usually unprepared. But these surprising twists and turns usually rely upon some form of direction by ourselves. Decision making and ambition. Long term goals or short term happiness. Whatever the reason may be, we are always seated in the drivers seat whether our foot is firmly on the accelerator, or whether our hands are only gently guiding the steering wheel. This control and responsibility is downright terrifying. And sometimes, just sometimes, I wish there were someone else to help. Maybe even tell us what's right from wrong. Help us decide what the hell it is that we actually want.
By 'us', I am of course, referring to myself.
I don't know any more, and that is a very daunting feeling. I have high expectations of others, which only results in me feeling selfishly let down. I have even higher expectations of myself. Expectations and standards that are impossible to humanly attain. Is it greedy of me to want things to be okay?
Or is it just plain stupid of me to hope for contentment? An ideal that lets face it, may not exist in our perceived reality anyway. Please, someone, step in for me just for a while. Just to provide my brain with a rest. It's becoming almost too much and I want out.
I cannot explain how tempted I am to take a years break from study and work and travel while preparing for third year. It seems like the best option. Third year fills me with feelings of dread and responsibility, not to mention I really am unsure of where I'll even live come September. It would be pretty good to pack up and leave for a while

Monday, 25 June 2012

On a weekend off..

On a weekend off it is only right to spend time with the sister, watch films, eat ice cream, drink coffee, browse the shops, and visit the vintage fair. Lovely lovely lovely.
Of course, I shall not write about yesterday's housemate inconvenience which would only serve to dampen the mood on a sunny Monday morning. I still don't quite know how to process the somewhat uncalled for and inappropriate display of anger. But that is beyond my control.
Happy Monday. I hope this week is a good one x

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Shooting in the summer sun

I worked on an editorial shoot yesterday out on location in the beautiful sun. Again, a team of people I loved working with. I really like my job when days like this come around.
Behind the scenes shots..

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Snapshots of a week in the life of a wandering human being

Planning, living, loving

I suppose this is one of those updates where I inform you of the happenings of my week - the usual, work, play, life, perhaps a few friends, coffee, (of course) and maybe the odd exciting location or inspirational person thrown in there for good measure.
This is exactly what the post is.
I have been working; shows actually, which is somewhat unusual for the 'shorter' model (aka 5ft 10 and below!) but it's cool. Good to work on shows because as boring and mundane waiting around for hours and hours on end becoming increasingly hungry, irritable, and tired, it's good to catch up with other girls. They make me want to travel again, and re-fuel my love for life. There have been lots of graduate shows and also did a show for Fendi. That was pretty nice.
I'm currently typing as I'm sat on the train heading to the agency for show castings again. It is a long day, implying that a lot of caffeine is required. But it's cool. It's all cool. The sun is shining and I have done the stressful part of my day so now all I have to do is travel and talk and walk. Easy.
One thing I am currently contemplating is summer. Summer, travel, work, and the fact that I must do something. I must live. Well, I do live. But I must continue this.
If there's one quality in others that really frustrates and disinterests me, it's those who plan and never 'do'. Those who appear to have aims and passions but never commit. Those who forever 'admire' from the sidelines but never live and really love.
What the hell is the point in wanting so much, investing so much time in plans and thoughts? In being so desperately unhappy and dissatisfied but not moving an inch to attempt to bring about change. Even bringing others into plans, only to shy away. I refuse to be one of those. I will not allow myself to adopt that manner of living. It's not really living at all, it's viewing from the sidelines. Perhaps even from the very edge of the cliff, but it's not really living.
I refuse to return to life in a few months time and not have a new story to tell.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

For Steff

Yesterday Steff and I both had a day off and were incredibly in need of a small injection of peace and tranquility. Of course, we cannot escape to the Bahamas for a day, but we are lucky enough to live a short train ride away from the small town of Knaresborough. We had planned to go rowing on the river but of course - it was inevitably too cold for the boating hire service to be open. Yes, welcome to the great British summertime. But our plans were not ruined. We enjoyed a super large pot of tea (in a tea rooms sourced out and located successfully especially to cater for our soy milk requirements) and we explored the town.

Simplistic, but wonderfully calming. Steff is a friend I value very greatly. We chat and we drink tea and we put the world to rights. Well, no - not quite. I would love to hold a worldly position where putting the rights of the world we live in is a realistic goal that my powers could achieve, but unfortunately I think that no one really has such powers. We are human, not supernatural forces of unattainable superhuman nature. So as much as we try to understand and wish to change behaviours of others, we cannot. We are only responsible for ourselves and that must be enough. There is an incredible power that lies within that responsibility if we were only to wake up and realise it. The ability to love and live and grow doesn't lie in the power of changing others; it lies in the acknowledgement and acceptance of ourselves. Taking responsibility for ourselves - learning what we want and knowing that it is within our power to achieve that. Surely that is enough :)

So yes. I like thinking, and I like that others inspire me to think.
Here are some pictures of our day

New work 'The Last Show'

Here is the story we shot in Manchester.
Photographer - Emily Dennison
Hair and make up - Lois Pickup
Styling - Ailsa Mclaggan
Video - Eleanor Marechal
This shoot was in the mystery theatrical location where we had lots of fun indeed.

Thursday, 7 June 2012

New work

I posted a while ago, a series of pictures from my test shoot with the lovely photographer Asia Burrill. She has finished working on some more of our shots, so here are a couple more to share :)

Sister time

I love my sister.
She is a very precious being. I don't live at home any more, and I spend so much of my time away anyway that I rarely spend time with her any more.
I don't dwell on this, but I most certainly appreciate the time I do spend with her. She brings a little light into my world, whether I ask her to or not - and whether I need it or not. She never fails to brighten my smile.
Yesterday we went for coffee and did a spot of shopping together. That was enough to make my world brighter.
I hope to goodness that I am a good big sister to her

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Tanyetski the Russian Pixie

Yesterday's shoot took us to round 2 of the mystery location shoot we began a couple of weeks ago. We returned to the beautifully old and derelict theatre that would have been quite cold and miserable were it not for the exquisite, amazing, lovely team we had working on the shoot. So much thanks, if they ever stumble across my writing. So much thanks to you all for these two days.
People like these remind me why I do my job.
I had particularly wonderful chats with the make up artist, Lois.
I always find the lives of others absolutely fascinating to learn about. People from all walks of life have such stories to tell.
Even in Japan I was once reduced to tears as a Japanese photographer let me into the history of her life when she spent a period of time travelling through France with an old circus family. She showed me her work from her French travels and to hear her stories, despite the language barrier, was inspiring.

Lives are so precious, and each life tells a different story. I don't just mean the biology of life, breathing and living, but I mean the connections we make and relationships we form. I hope that one day that my life can be as inspiring as so many others.

But for now - here are a few pictures