Wednesday, 30 November 2011

love and loss

'Be loved by those who love you.'
Written by a father who recently lost his daughter.
I don't need to write much, but I felt the need to write those words

Monday, 28 November 2011

and back to reality

Only just back in the country and already I've somehow managed to feel knee-deep in uni assignments. No, waist-deep, if not deeper. So much work... Just so much work. University is not easy.
But I am doing what I do best and attempting to keep my head above water with it all. Time may not be on my side, but it is border-line impossible for my head to actually allow myself to fall behind so at least I can kind of rely on myself in that respect, to keep going. It isn't an option for me to screw this up, so I do not allow myself the choice. I will get this work done..

In other news, I just thought I should post a little update. Life in general.. This will predominantly read as though you are sifting through my thoughts as a pose to a more comprehend-able logical and rationalized structure. When I think.. for as much good as 'thinking' does, there isn't really all too much to say.
No, I have a life time of 'things' to say. Contrary to what some believe, my life time (as young as I may be..) actually has provided me with one hell of a lot of experience and knowledge. Far too much than I could ever need at my age. Far too much than I sometimes feel able to hold. But nevertheless I can't pretend otherwise. It upsets me when people insensitively and naively point their judgements, holding the belief that 'young people can't possibly have experienced enough to understand life.'

What makes any one being so 'powerful' and special enough that they should own the right to judge another? This not a plea of self-righteousness, just a thought that is constantly being provoked.

I shall sleep soon. And I really shall sleep well. Today I was working at a shoot in a freezing location just outside of Manchester. A huge country hall, no heating, no lighting. Just coldness, but lots and lots of beauty. Wonderful team, lovely client.. Lovely day. I am now eternally thankful for my hot water bottle, a hot shower, cups of tea, and my bed. Therefore I shall make full use of my bed until my alarm goes off in six hours to wake me up for uni. Tomorrow will consist of uni in the morning, followed by a tutorial, hopefully finishing my assignment, then travelling down to London.
Such is life.
Life is a crazy thing, but isn't it such a waste if we don't enjoy it?

sights of Istanbul

Saturday, 26 November 2011

more warmth in a parcel

My epic Nan has been sweet and thoughtful and done it again - Returned home to another surprise parcel from Kent, which contained a lovely hand-knitted autumnal coloured scarf. Perfect for the coldness. Just cosy and brilliant and warm. I have written before - about how much I feel cared for and wrapped in love when I wear items of clothing that others have made for me. It's so cold in our house that I am wearing it as I type. I am wearing it and I feel happy. 
I do have lots of pictures from my travels to update, but for this moment in time I am just taking a little break from my Children's emotional development assignment to share this. I'm taking a break because I really would like another hot chocolate. (Caramel options I believe is the current favourite.) Also because my housemates are being unnecessarily loud. Anna - I can hear you and Ciara singing. It's beautiful. It really is full of light and soul and tune. However, your lungs are singing with rather a lot of power ;) 

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Monday, 21 November 2011

when in Turkey..

When in Turkey, a Turkish full body massage is a necessity. There is a lovely spa and pool in the hotel, so it would have been rude not to take advantage, right?..
Anyway, I am currently fully appreciating the relaxation this has allowed my body. Yes, it is 1am and I am still wide awake, STILL cannot get my head in the correct place to focus on any kind of academic work. But sometimes we just have to roll with it. 'Go with the flow' - as most would say. Live in the moment, acknowledge and deal with the current issues, but if you struggle to do something about them, usually there is a valid reason. Pushing past that reason would negate the very immediate issue of 'why' you struggle in the first place. Probably true in all kinds of contexts. After a full day of being a tourist, sight-seeing, eating, and taking in the atmosphere and culture, every inch of me felt entirely ready to spend this evening winding down the only way the Turks know how..
If that meant taking a break from 'life', then that break was most willingly accepted.

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Land of the Turkish

'Merhaba' I believe is the Turkish greeting, otherwise known as 'hello'.
Currently in my hotel room in Istanbul, obviously soaking up the Turkish life.. and drinking a cup of English tea. Yes. The rules of travelling: When on the road, one must always carry tea bags. A little comfort from homeland where ever you may be. Hardly immersing oneself in the culture, but necessities overrule. I did source out some soy milk from Starbucks, which is now taking pride place in the mini-bar fridge.

I have been here before. The city of an almost overwhelming (for a health-conscious vegetarian) food and drink-loving culture. There is a seemingly never-ending supply of people. I'm not entirely sure where most these people have come from, or are going. Maybe they are just 'living'. There are a large amount of Turks, but hearing the languages down the streets, a fairly substantial amount of European travelers occupy and partake in the madness of this world. Where the East meets the West. A paradoxical combination of rustic culture against graffiti-ed walls, commercially purpose-built shops and buildings, with glimpses of beautiful architecture and minarets of mosques. I know a culture isn't entirely about a beautiful and aesthetically pleasing landscape and atmosphere. It's about the people too. And the 'vibe'. And at this present moment in time I am still struggling to understand where this borderline unhealthy obsession with what I find a vaguely unappetizing cuisine originates from.. I am sure I will be told otherwise, but I feel as though I need some real direction as to where to direct my 'fussy' habits and to overcome the fact that to refuse any offer of food out here is seen as an offence to the host/chef/giver of food. Perhaps to mutually give and accept food is interpreted as a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other. I don't know. Must learn a little more about this one..

Will get to do a little sight seeing tomorrow, so hopefully will get some good little amateur snaps on my camera. For now though, it's 12.45am and I actually intended on getting a little work done. This is why my laptop has come with me. But it doesn't look likely for this evening..

Friday, 18 November 2011

a beautiful place

My research critique is finally completed and referenced and ready to be handed in tomorrow morning. At 3.30am, this feels like an achievement.
Body is exhausted.
Eyes are closing.
Mind is manically running away with itself.
Heart and soul are somewhere in-between.
I'm struggling to string together fully logical sentences, so these half-written statements shall have to be sufficient!
Today I went to uni, had a tutorial, worked through the rest of this assignment, and packed suitcase ready to jet off to Turkey tomorrow. Well, London tomorrow. The flight is an early Saturday morning one. I really am rather ready to sleep so goodness knows why I have decided to stay awake and write this post instead.

The top trend on twitter tonight is: 'It's a beautiful world because...'
This warms my heart.
It really is an incredibly beautiful world, and I get to see even more of it this week. I'm a blessed girl.
In fact, this twitter statement doesn't actually need to be completed. It is actually as true as the truth can be, just as it is. Why must we always justify our thoughts and views? Why can't we just say that the world is a beautiful place, because it just is. Left to interpretation. Surely if we begin to pick apart each wonderful thing in this wonderful world then we start to see the flaws and eventually these unknown aspects may not be a mystery and will not seem quite so beautiful any more. I, for one, would rather some things remained a mystery. I would rather stay a little naive to certain aspects. Let's not look for faults.
Perhaps this is my head in the dream-world talking.

Let's just appreciate the world for it's beauty and say no more.

a life?

'Life is the most fragile, unstable, and unpredictable thing there is.'
- Grey's Anatomy

Thursday, 17 November 2011


As the title suggests, I returned home this evening to find a lovely delivery from Amazon, with my new purchase of Florence and the Machine's new album - 'Ceremonials'
It has, of course, been playing on my iPod all evening. It's currently 3.20am so it's no longer playing. I am a good housemate, therefore I shall not wake them up from their sleep. But yes, all evening I have been listening to these beautiful tunes, just appreciating how lovely this entire album is. The music actually speaks for itself. What I am posting about, is within the 'adoration for Florence' context, but is more so to draw attention to the album art work and the incredibly beautiful shots in the cover book. I know Florence flies the flag for red heads, but oh my days. These shots are honestly lovely.

'I'm attracted to the idea of drowning, or rather the idea of jumping off and being enveloped by something not bad or good, just enveloping. When I was a kid, I had a moment when I got under the water, lying on the pool floor, and I felt I could breathe. I've been trying to recreate that feeling ever since.'
- Florence Welsh.

Monday, 14 November 2011

I'll cover you - Rent

Those who know me fairly well know that a huge aspect of who I am, is made from my love of the theatre and all things musical. All things on the stage that are 'make believe'.. playing a role, as such. Yet the paradox is, that the 'playing a role' can become so entirely authentic and powerful and evoke such real emotion.
Well, back to the point. We watched Rent the film last night. I just had to post this beautiful, beautiful scene.

Jesse L. Martin is the guy who plays Collins (Who sings the song)

Sunday, 13 November 2011


This weekend has been brilliant and I am currently drinking a hot cup of tea, prepping myself for a long day tomorrow and beginning to think I should really make use of this time to make progress with my assignments rather than write blogs. Procrastination? Quite possibly. But as we know, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I decided to take the weekend off and have my sister over to stay the night. She hasn't seen the new house since I moved, and we haven't even spent more than a couple of hours in each other's company since mid-September. That's two months worth of sisterly catching up to do. So we had a lovely relaxing weekend, went for dinner at Betty's, indulged in delicious food, lots of tea, good conversation, and a relaxing night in. I forget how young she is. She's only thirteen. But she is perfectly lovely in every way. She makes me a very happy big sister.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011


Entitled '300' simply because this is my 300th post. Original, I know.
Today has been rather productive at uni. Finally feeling like I'm making progress, which I have to admit, is a wonderful feeling. To be acknowledged too, and to be told that you are a competent worker and good at what you do? Once accepting this, it's something to hold onto and a comment that means a hell of a lot when a self-belief battle is at hand.
I am currently sat at the train station waiting for my train to London, hot drink in hand and reflective head on my shoulders. Prime blogging time. Although I'm struggling to produce a worth-while post that isn't just the strange and wonderful ramblings of this mind of mine.
One thing I shall take note of - is something I am aware of more and more. The little things in life can make the world of a difference. Of course, we all know this to a smaller or greater extent. But I just realise that some of us are more sensitive souls. We are strong, but it's a delicate and fragile strength, not often recognised.
Train stations are reflective places. We have no choice but to wait. Let time pass, let people pass. And wait.. Often alone. The irony is that we are often in a rush to get to where we must be. In a race against time, but we are still waiting, standing still. Able to appreciate the smaller things that might otherwise pass us by.
One comment, one small gesture, one random stranger smiling as they pass you by, or the compliments you are able to accept rather than let your mind fight. The person-person ways of life.
I just appreciate it is all.
An appreciation of life as we know it.

Monday, 7 November 2011

the soul

'You do not have a soul.
You are a soul.
You have a body'
C. S. Lewis

Friday, 4 November 2011

Victoria Quarter A/W 11

Power of belief

'men are not moved by things, but by the views which they take of them.'

Just a thought we discussed in a lecture earlier this week at uni.
Meaning that it is the way in which we think about things that causes us to feel and react. We don't just simply feel moved by a factual objective point. We are moved because the brain is more powerful than we even acknowledge. It causes us to respond. It makes us human. Sometimes we may not even understand why we feel or do certain things, but it still makes us human.
I am me. And this is all I can be.
Who knew the mind could hold such incredible power?
Each of us has the power to label 'good' and 'bad' - purely because we believe it to be so.
The world can be a good place.
If we just believe it to be.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Hand-knitted goodies

I arrived home from castings today to the loveliest surprise parcel waiting for me. My Nan had sent me a cosy little mustard coloured hand-knitted hat and scarf set, which she made for my mother when she was a child. This just is lovely. No other words to describe other than lovely, lovely, lovely.