So when it's 1am on a Saturday night (Sunday morning), you're on the sofa, Brene Brown and Gloria Steinem books surround your two empty wine glasses (yes I've had white AND red), and you're reading those articles that mindlessly fly around the internet, such as 'Why some people stay stuck and others change their lives', you know that perhaps something needs to change. In fact, since my research supervisors are telling me I should write more concisely, with purpose, I can remove the word 'perhaps' and also 'you know that'. That leaves 'something needs to change'. I won't go into how much I've said this over the past year or so, and that much has changed whilst so much has remained stagnant too. That is another point for another day...
My guilt at seeming lazy is tapping into my brain now, and I need to reassure you that no, I don't spend every night on the sofa; this is a very rare occasion. It's lovely because I've been out of action for the past couple of days (health reasons..) and so have been sleeping a lot. So I'm not so tired and can afford this time, apparently not guilt-free though, on the sofa. I can't read any more, so I wrote in my anonymous blog and then felt I might actually write in this one. Yes - guilt taps in once more. Isn't it a powerful thing..
Anyway, so here I am. I wrote in my anonymous blog about a particular thing that happened this week; I pushed and I think I let a rather wonderful opportunity slip me by because either a) genuinely legitimate issues around scheduling and timing, or b) my own fear of change and fear of failure. I know which I think it is. Perhaps this is the thing that needs to change.
This particular article advises the reader to ask 'how', instead of 'why'. It then, with an optimistic tone, sets the reader to the challenge of changing their life for the better. Now I prefer the article a friend sent me, which was more about motivation and purpose; working out why we do what we do, and why we choose not to do certain things. Why do we prioritise some things over others? If we can work out the purpose and driving force behind our actions and desires, then we are more likely to make these things happen. Apparently this is key to finding motivation to make things change (according to some internet author...) BUT this is theoretical too, not just mumbo-jumbo words. This makes sense; purpose is part of how we survive. It's existential and also part of our connection to something deeper than surface level stuff. So maybe it isn't about asking 'how'. Maybe the 'why' is most important. Maybe patience, too, is key. And bottling up the fear and throwing it out to sea.