Sunday, 9 November 2014

Looking for red lip stick

This Sunday evening I am skilfully doing anything but the work I set myself to do. I am still to write up this weeks client notes, write up my supervision notes, edit my case study.... OK, I will stop myself there because I don't intend to re-write my to-do list. What a dull blog post that would be... What I manage to do I will do. And what I don't manage to do will get done - no rush, no worries, no need to lose sleep. What will be will be.

I spent this morning at yoga, followed by a soya natural honey latte in town with my reading. I have given myself the task of learning more about anxiety and panic attacks so I can practice some mindfulness and relaxation techniques with a client. I subsequently decided to practice on Bryony who willingly became my 'tester subject' this afternoon. For me -  a person who tends to think more about the nuances of our psychological responses, I was reminded of the power of not only the mind but of our physiological response to fear. The adrenal response to that immediate feeling of having the safety of the ground ripped from beneath our feet is a powerful one, and I am reminded once more of the intimate connection between mind and body. The power we have over our minds once we allow ourselves to live in the moment in our bodies. It also applies the other way around; the power our minds can have over us if we try to run from them. The faster we run, the more we hide, the greater the suit of armour we wear to mask what is sitting beneath, the more power we give away...

The day then continued and of course I ended up at the reservoir out in the nature watching the sunset and once more being astounded at the glory. I wrote about the insignificant glories a good few months ago, and this was one of those instances - the insignificant glories. A glorious moment of insignificance, but by the very nature of being glorious, perhaps it was more significant than we realise. There was something significant today about being by the water in good company and watching the sun set. The significance is that we could have been at home, head buried in work staring at computer screens. With our diaries and ever incomplete to-do lists breathing power down into our bodies, the significance is that we chose to be there despite the demands of life and time we chose to be there.

Amongst these many things, one of our latest tasks is to keep a dream journal. Life as a trainee therapist is many things... Tiresome, compelling, exposing, encompassing, fascinating, challenging, honest... many many things, but it is never dull. For the next few weeks we have been tasked to keep a dream journal - an honest account of our dreams and nightmares as they happen. When we were first given the task, i thought 'I have no time for that!!!' then I quickly corrected this thought and realised that if I wanted to do it, I would make time for it. Then my thoughts quickly turned to 'I never dream!!! I have about 4 dreams/nightmares per year - there is no way I will even dream. I will have nothing in this damned journal anyway, even if I make time!' But now, 5 days later, I have five stories written in my journal. One dream for each morning I have woken up convinced 5 days ago I would have no stories to tell. Isn't it interesting - we only see what we look for. We are looking for a new car; all we see are cars of that make and model on the roads. We look for a new red lip stick and all we see are people wearing red lip stick. We look for the dreams, and as soon as we make space for them, they are there.

I think if nothing, we must start looking for what we want to see...

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