It is the last day of the month, in fact I believe it is the last hour of the month too, so I thought it was a good opportunity to make some time to blog. I am indeed on my computer after all, and I don't know how much longer I will be awake for. I am pretty exhausted after playing catch up over these past few weeks. Having taken a few modelling jobs and travelled more than usual, I have found that I am fitting in my 'usual' life in and around the little time I have available to make up for the time spent in studios or on trains/on the road. Even in 'usual' life, I have many hats that I wear depending on the day and time. I am either a therapist, mentor, tutor, student, model... and that is just my professional life. My personal life is another story - and many stories within those stories too.
I don't write this as a negative, it is more a way of living for me. It is a choice - and I often remind myself of how simple things could be but then I come full circle and I am reminded of why I choose to live my life in this way. It is no surprise that I have taken the day off, and equally it is no surprise that only now have I sat down with a book entitled 'Real World Research' in preparation for my next venture. I skip to the chapter I need, I read about two pages, but something doesn't feel right about doing this at this time on a Saturday night. So I am reminded of my word of the month (maybe even year), which is 'balance'... in fact, who am I kidding...? This has been 'my word' for a good few years now. Balance.. what does this mean? How do we find it? Is this a life-long venture? Something that changes it's meaning according to the shift in life-stage and environment? Something that adapts to us as much as we adapt to it?
I have still yet to figure out the real meaning. I am beginning to think that the meaning is not as much a practical quantifiable set of features, but more an inner way of being. Almost a way of being that does not require words; it is more a felt thing. So as I sit here with my research book and process this past week, I realise that I have been so lucky with the 'balance' I have found through the various hats that I have worn. There is of course a certain amount of irony in this because I am still tired and really could do with a few extra days this weekend. But balance for me this week has been that I have met some really wonderful new people; a new student who I am really looking forward to working with, a new client who I am equally looking forward to working with, and a new creative team on a modelling job who just made our day so relaxed and fun that I felt quite sad to leave them at the end. And the week finished with a rare treat, a day at the spa with my mum and Bryony - Good company really does make a difference. So I sit here with my research book and contemplate the Sunday ahead tomorrow... and I am grateful to have a day where I need to balance no hats. I need no hat but my very own.
A few pictures of the past week or so..