Today I was meant to prepare some tutoring things for tomorrow and I also needed to prepare our first research interview with the young people (also for tomorrow). I did get most things together, but curiously, most of the day was spent with my body unable to function very well. The week has been one of those weeks that has looked *fun/ interesting/ crazy/ exciting, etc... from the outside, but from the inside it has been nothing short of madness. I even resorted to asking my sister to do my laundry and have not even had chance to sit down and eat one real meal. Getting home last night was certainly a wonderful feeling. After returning from our trip to the Lake District last weekend, I went straight to Uni, submitted our second to last assignment, and we celebrated the end of the year in the only way we know how; wine, friends, more wine....
Amongst various pieces of work, I also went over to Bradford to the Alhambra with Ella to see War Horse on stage. It was spectacular. So beautifully performed and written, and I was surprised at how natural it was to see the horse on the stage - the horse was of course not real, but the breathing and the movements and the emotion made it the most alive man-made object I have ever seen in a theatre.
The latter half of the week has been spent in Manchester modelling. My modelling work is usually more spread out, so it feels like I have done much more than usual this week. My hair is destroyed and I am fortunate that my skin has held up (and it can't be due to the necessary increased levels of coffee and wine I have consumed lately...) What I have been reminded of is that the people I meet through this job are what keeps me keeping on, as such. But on the other hand, they can sometimes be the very reason that I wonder what might happen if I leave the set. If I just walked out... I have thick skin, which means that for work, I can leave my sensitivity at home. But I do, however, have a very strong moral position situated in the core of me. It is more of a challenge to separate what I believe in from who I am, and I am not entirely sure that that's a good thing anyway. Things such as integrity and equality are values that I carry with me; they are not situational, they are part of who I am. Nevertheless, I am fortunate to have left this job after spending a few days in the company of a couple of really wonderful human beings. But there are also many many things I could choose to rant about if it only felt appropriate to use this page as a platform for my rants. I have considered creating an anonymous blog simply for my rantings and musings....
Back to the work I should have been doing today. My body still feels reluctant to cooperate with my to-do list and I know I must sleep if I have any hope of reducing these terrible black bags underneath my eyes. I sometimes like to consider the 'fuck it life'. For those who know what this means, it means questioning what we think is important and replacing it with what really and truly is important in life... If I were to adopt the fuck it attitude this evening, I would be drinking wine and falling to sleep right about now. It is a Sunday evening afterall and I have had the week from the world of madness. I could even leave the wine aside and fall straight to sleep. Or alternatively I could give myself thirty minutes until fuck it time... Thirty minutes.
Here are a few of the photographs I've taken en route this week...
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