Saturday, 10 October 2015

Rose-tinted and being 'British'

I started to write this last night but it seems that I got half-way through and decided that sleep was a more appealing prospect. So I am beginning again with my second post of October. This is going well considering I did not write a single post in September. It is finally the weekend and I have to admit to my surprise at actually making it through the week, and I have not even been consuming an obscene amount of coffee. The week has included a lot of long hours, working lunch breaks, and a double working-weekend. That means the week is sandwiched in-between two working weekends away in London. This is fine because I love the variety that my life and work gives me and that is what keeps me believing that arguably foolish decisions are what makes life for the living. Such foolish decisions are either foolish or wise - they steer me far away from a 9-5 job and keep me alert and alive. This is not to say that starting a full-time MSc research degree alongside full-time work may not be the most questionable decision to date. I have certainly been questioned about it and certainly have questioned myself and been prompted to convince self and others that I am indeed a master of scheduling. Time to test out my own words.... If anything, it is a challenge and it is a change. And I am ready for both. I say that location-wise and home-wise I am not a settler. I embrace my nomadic traits a little, particularly when it is the summer months, and it seems that these traits are wide-spread and appear in my work life too.

I am indeed writing through rose-tinted glasses and although I embrace variety, sometimes it costs and sometimes (more often lately) I begin to wonder and re-consider my choices. I have made the decision to leave one of my commitments behind. This decision changes things and signifies a shift in my life. It is not only a decision but it is a statement of self-respect. I know this is right because a commitment that is restrictive, demanding, and often disrespectful, should not be one that any woman (or man) should endure. Time, skill, and people, are worth much more than that. Recently I have seen that respect is a moot point if it isn't reciprocal. It is not handed out as a free for all, and it is not an automatic given; it is earned and it takes two. I will not indulge in things that really would be professionally inappropriate to write on the world wide web, but I am welcoming change. From the person who, as a child, would move house to a different part of town but still insist on carrying her school PE kit, saxophone, and school books back to her old bus stop every morning instead of 5 minutes walk to the new bus stop to catch the school bus, simply because change was not language she understood, I think this is good.

Back to the rose-tinted glasses. I hate to write with my words filtered. But perhaps this is why I don't write so much these days on here. I would either rant and never stop, or I may boast and shout about hopes and achievements, and let's face it - most of us are too British and polite to indulge in a little ego-boosting self-appraisal. Actually I am in fact really not that British or polite at all... Polite, yes, if appropriate. But 'British'..... If being British is what we are led to believe, and if being British is subscribing to the ways in which this country is governed, then I am out. I think these days that I belong in a country far away from David Cameron.  But back to this blog - and perhaps more importantly back to the day. I have some reading, packing, washing.... and a Saturday to embrace before leaving to London later this afternoon.

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