Friday, 30 January 2015

A message from the universe

I do not believe in fate, perhaps my cynicism or my discomfort in the idea that our free will and autonomy is only an illusion means that the concept of things happening because it is 'written in the stars' or it was 'meant to happen' just seems too far-fetched and rather passive to me. I don't like that idea at all. But I also don't believe in consequences - certain things don't happen just because they happened, just because those two paths crossed at that minute on that day in that location. Things like that don't just happen. We don't make decisions just because. So I am not sure where this leaves me if I don't believe in consequences and I don't believe in fate. I am somewhere in the middle, but I do believe that if/when certain things happen, there are messages out there for us. Nothing happens without meaning...

I have another car story. I will keep this one brief though... It was Tuesday evening, I had finished Uni, dropped a friend off at her home, stayed outside in the car and chatted for a good while, then tried to start the engine again to find that the car would not start up. I have not had a good history with cars, so immediately I panic - partners are helping, dads are helping, we cannot figure out what is wrong with my car. Perhaps it's the starter engine, we said... I panicked enough and called the AA out eventually. By this point it is 9pm, I need to get home and catch up on all the jobs I didn't do over the weekend whilst I was away, and I am tired and still feeling like I'm waiting for a day off. But, back to the moment - tired and worried and stuck 25 miles from home I just want a cup of tea (or wine) and my bed. But instead it is so cold outside my hands no longer function and I am so worried yet another car of mine has broken that I just begin to laugh... I laugh because knowing me, it would be typical for this one thing not to be covered on my insurance anyway. Anyway, an hour after making the call, the AA van pulls up and the mechanic asks what's wrong - I tell him my engine won't start and I explain the noise it made. I also assure him that yes, I did remember to put fuel in my car, yes it was unleaded and not diesel, and yes, I have oil in my car. I do know the basics, I assure him. So I get in my car, turn the key, and voila, the engine starts just as it always does. After much apologising and humiliation on my part, and laughing from the mechanic's part, we realised I had just run the battery flat.

If this was not a message from the universe, I don't know what is... A message to keep the batteries charged perhaps? A message to slow down? A message to spend my energy - and spend it in the most wonderful and powerful ways but do not forget to stop and replenish the stocks. Stop and take notice before diving back in.

I have spent the rest of the week constantly reminding myself of this. And it is a good job my car is not broken (not just for my own sanity) but because tomorrow I am driving up to the North East coast and spending the weekend with my course. I have spent the evening packing and baking and trying to mentally put all my general work stress to one side so that I can focus on 'being' and embracing the weekend without dragging all the unwanted 'stuff' up there with me too.

A good beginning would be to hit the land of sleep...

Buenos Noches

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