I have been ever so anxious, irrational, stressed, irritable, etc. the list goes on and on with not one of the words possessing a positive quality whatsoever. I'm not enjoying feeling this way at all, infact it feels rather defeatist; so, rather than wallow in self-pity for days and weeks on end into infinity and beyond, I have been making desperate attempts to will something to change. Well, I am not superhuman, and my lack of superhuman abilities suggests that there is only so much to be attained from the powers of my positive thinking alone. But I believe I'm beginning to form something in my mind that resembles a plan. This plan depends on no one but myself and trusting in my own decisions. I find myself reaching the hurtful realisation more and more frequently at the moment that there are not many people you can fully rely on.
The more I grow up, the more it seems as though it's not quite 'us against the world'.. Rather, 'ME against the whole bloody universe in all it's divine power, strength, and glory'. It's oh-so wonderful. Truly.
There's a slight hint of sarcasm there.
Anyway, less of the bitterness. I cannot stand bitter emotions; what a wasted and unproductive emotion it seems to be. More about the mindfulness and peacefulness that this evening has bought about. A walk by the river followed by a drink as afternoon met evening, a Tuesday night in York. Talking through life and change. The ups and downs. Whatever will be, will be. It is inevitable. We will be.