I had spent the day at a rather grilling interview and was more than ready to have an evening relaxing with the people who matter sharing wine and happiness. I am spending more time lately with a person who is somehow capable of bringing something really great to my life. I'm unsure there are any words for this really great 'thing' - but he brings something that I miss when he's not there. Perhaps one day I'll discover the word I need, but for now, I am enjoying re-discovering it all. There is a hidden aspect of life that I've been forgetting about for a while; and for me, it's really important that no aspect of life at all is ever forgotten about. It's an integral part of embracing the things we have, and not being afraid of the uncertainties.
The weekend has also seen me finally complete a draft of my literature review and findings for the dissertation, the discovery of some really great coffee in Harrogate, and the satisfaction of my sushi-craving which has been on-going for approximately three weeks. I have also found that it is becoming more and more important to me that I follow the things that feel right and I remain transparent and honest with all I encounter. Whether that's work life, personal life, family or friends, there is nothing to be valued more than integrity and honesty. I cannot continue saying 'yes' to everything, but my instincts are quite good at informing me of what's right or wrong.
I sometimes think that our gut instinct is the universe's way of communicating to us. Someone said to me not so long ago, to trust in myself and the universe shall provide what is needed. I trusted in that, and I was offered a place on both Masters degrees that I had previously been struggling with an internal head vs. heart debate regarding which would be the 'right' one for me. You know that struggle when all you want is for someone to step in as the ultimate life guru and to tell you right from wrong; to keep you on the right path. That awful feeling that your head knows this world best. It knows that harsh realities do exist and it provides the rational 'adult' voice; the voice we try to avoid adhering to at times of spontaneous freedom, but deep down we know it must be listened to and it will keep us safely from trouble. It will protect us. But the heart is always kindest. It knows that the head exists and it takes that into account, but the heart knows your soul. Perhaps your heart IS your soul. It has such immense power; often more power than the head. The heart feels emotion, the head attempts to block them away but they always find a way of escaping sooner or later.
So I trusted in the universe, in my heart or soul or gut instinct - whichever it was, and I made my decision. It was an easy one to make once I allowed myself to trust. Trusting that I don't have to say 'yes' to everything right now seems to be highly important, particularly as I must focus on the things that matter and know that the universe will allow the rest to fall into place. This is my Monday morning reflection - I must focus on some work and go to mentor soon. I wish I could stay home all day to listen to music and write but I shall go and embrace the day I have planned instead. I really hope that some good work is done today... I have a month to complete this dissertation. One month...