It was 5am yesterday morning and as I was walking to the train station I had two thoughts hugely prominent in my mind. Thought number one: 'Man, I really, really could do with a car today.' And thought number two: 'whoever thinks modelling and travelling is a glamorous lifestyle is severely mistaken.' I felt many things yesterday morning... Glamorous certainly was not on my list of feelings. In fact, I would happily challenge anyone to accompany me for a day and have their eyes widened to the reality of what appears from the outside to be perhaps one of the most beautiful, luxurious, and easy jobs going. I am certain that after just one day, their views would be significantly altered.
It is not my style to complain, although I do think we are all deserving of a good complain with a trusted companion over a soy latte or glass of wine from time to time. However, complaining for the most part tends to result in me being reduced into a spiral of negativity and that certainly is not a spiral I wish to impose on anybody or myself. So complaining about a job which I have full control over my association and employment in the industry is both passive and unproductive. Regardless of the ungodly hours of the morning, the job really was a good one in comparison to others. I arrived at 9am and we finished shooting at exactly 1.30pm. For once, a half day really did mean a half day, and this is unheard of in the modelling world. I suspect it was because it began to rain and we were shooting outdoors, and also they had booked in another model for the afternoon to shoot the second editorial for the next edition of the magazine. My expenses were covered, I was given a lift to and from the train station, and the client and team were a really great bunch of people. I was home by early evening and even had the energy to have a good couple of hours at the gym and make my offers on a new car (which I will be viewing and perhaps purchasing tomorrow morning).
Some things (like 5am mornings and the rain on location) must just be accepted. It was, however, one of those mornings when my alarm woke me up and I had to give myself thirty seconds to have that dialogue in my head: 'What...? What time is it? What day is it? Where do I need to be today? What am I doing?' Needless to say I soon realized that Cheshire was the location and I had a train to catch so I must hurry, make my flask of coffee and leave the house to embrace a brisk morning walk to the station. This sense of rushing and non-stop activity is not exclusive to my day of madness yesterday, it is somewhat reminiscent of the majority of days at the minute. To say I was hugely concerned and worried that this summer might be a struggle due to lack of work, lack of people, too much time, and not enough opportunities, my experience of 'summer' so far couldn't be further away from my initial anxieties. I knew that I was in for a 'summer of change', so to say. I was right in that respect; many things are changing/are about to change. But in the midst of creating that change, my fear of 'nothingness' has influenced my structuring of the days so that I am rarely home.
So can I see life slowing down...? Not really.
Do I want it to slow down...? Again, no.
As always, if not to be written about, then life is to be lived. Even at 5am, life is to be lived.