York in the summertime. This is the first summer in four years that I've not dedicated entirely to modelling. And furthermore, the first in three years that I've consciously decided to spend at home. By home, I mean here where I've made my home in York, not living out of a suitcase spending most of my time going to castings or on jobs being 'herded' around, my schedule run entirely by someone else's schedule made for me. I made the decision to be at home for a number of reasons, if not just to maintain control of my own diary!
My life has grown in so many ways; ways which really require me to be grounded and keep nurturing the things that matter the most. And this task is somewhat challenging due to the many restrictions presented when living out of a suitcase with no permanent address. This is my summer of change.. And it is change enough to decide to remain in a place I call home and make the changes happen rather than opt for my usual summer-time get up and go. I do love this world, and I am getting increasingly more curious about the places I have not yet been but long to see. Perhaps usually I go because it's nice to escape for a while. It's nice to escape the worries of life and transfer these worries onto just keeping my measurements down and making sure I get to castings on time. But the thing is, the real worries of life don't miraculously disappear just because I've successfully kept myself at my 'perfect' measurements. Oh, if only life were this simple. In fact, even those worries are still there because no matter how much work on our bodies we do, for some reason or another we never quite measures up anyhow, not to others and certainly not in the only place it seems to matter (our own mind). So I wonder, why we are prone to misplacing so much focus on these things anyway, when really the worries and decisions concerning the nitty gritty of life are the only agents of significant change and real meaningful substance. I guess as our priorities shift, so do our values. As I discussed earlier this evening over a soy cappuccino with a good friend - today is not a day to escape, rather it is a day to live. Of course, the concept of living has a very different meaning for each of us. For me, it involves some form of awareness, acceptance, and trust. Three major notions for just a simple four lettered word!
So a summer of being in a place I call home...
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