I had a choice. A very simple, meaningless choice - but it was a choice nonetheless. We always have choices. Anyway, this evening I decided to go for a run instead of go to my usual Monday evening Yoga class. I do enjoy this class, but yoga is a practice that requires you to let go of your thoughts and clear the mind. To let the mind be simple and free and focus on nothing more than just being in the present moment. It's quite a challenge at times. Particularly times such as this evening when it was perhaps needed most, but I guess sometimes time is best spent thinking and considering recent events and not trying to eradicate the thoughts that are refusing to leave the mind because they are still yet to be concluded.
So tonight I gave myself permission to think things through rather than neglect and disregard the things that I really wish I could. I went for a run just before the sun set and mulled things over. I shall always question my decisions. I shall always look into myself, and I shall always at least try to trust in the process. Trust that the real story IS the process, and for the most part, I spend my evenings running and thinking about THIS, rather than running with a mind too full of worry.
I haven't concluded anything yet. Although I don't think any of us ever really conclude. Life just sort of goes on... But I do know this one thing. Someone (an anonymous writer) said that we must be soft and not let the world make us hard... And I know that I do not want the world to make me any harder. I have thick skin because you don't survive life without it. But I don't want to become bitter and resentful, and I want to always value people. This is who I am, and I don't want that part of myself to be compromised.
So these are my reflections. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I start my life as a post graduate student as it's my first day on my Masters. I am ready for a day of coffee and new people and stepping up.