Friday, 27 September 2013

intuitive improvisation

Another week has flown by. It's quite literally flown past me and I've not really caught up with it yet. But I'm definitely sure that it's currently Friday evening. There has been too much happen this week to possibly compile into one legible blog post, so instead, I shall just be thankful that it's Friday. Not that I've reached the point where the weekend is actually time off yet; I am working a show tomorrow. Thankfully I have Sunday to look forward to.

I started my new job as a disability support worker this week, it was the second week of my course, I found a supervisor to supervise my client practice, and I played host for a visit from my darling friend Anna. And the week is not over yet! The weeks still rarely stray from their only predictable pattern of merging together into one long stream of absurd, inconsistent, and yet wonderful events. A lot of my energy is dedicated to trying to make some changes, but the formation of my life seems very resistant to change these days. Perhaps I need to take note... Maybe this isn't the right time. But alternatively, maybe I need to fight a little more... As usual, I don't know and I'm not sure there is a right or wrong;  I only have my gut instinct. When you know, you just know... That may be the universe's way of communicating. It's the most trustworthy way to seek 'answers' - which seems suggestably ironic as it stems from precisely the place we are afraid of exploring - it stems from within ourselves. 

I shall really welcome with open arms yhe day this life of mine feels a little more controllable; when the madness changes from this sense of powerlessness to one of stability and safety. I adore living with an element of the unexpected, so I won't push the boundaries further than I can manage. I enjoy the variety and the amazing thing that no two days are ever the same - at least not the minor details anyway. But I am yet to discover whether stability and safety can go hand in hand with the unexpected agendas and a life intuitive improvisation. It's certainly taught me about the power of the mind, the strength of resilience, and the accepting nature of trust. But as I go through the process of applying for a third job, I begin to wonder if there is a limit as to how far a positive attitude and a trusting heart can carry us? Perhaps I have to make some changes to the balance I seem to have carefully and meticulously crafted out for myself. I do know the right thing to do... When you know, you know.

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