In the early stages of new groups of people there's always an element of guarded souls and mystery. Nobody knows each other, at least not to the extent they will grow to know each other. I'm referring to my new course particularly. These are people I'm training to become a therapist with. These are people I will grow with and people I'll learn a lot about. But right now at the beginning there are people with untold stories and lives we know nothing about, including myself. I am part of the mix... I have mentioned in a couple of conversations this week that it's enlightening and refreshing to be a blank canvas, if only for a few weeks. Not to be self-involved or to think only of myself, but it's a change to be part of a group where most people only know my name and what they see infront of them. Not that I'm ashamed of any aspect of my life, and not that I'm a particularly private person, but when we open ourselves up to relative strangers, we are open to judgement.
Now whether we are actually being judged or whether we just fear the judgement is another question which is often open for debate in my own thoughts... But the mystery and the stories yet to be told - that's what I like.
Yesterday I played model role again and walked another Max Mara show - which was of course a lovely pleasure. Working for a great client with good friends and drinking champagne shall always be a pleasure. But what keeps me reserved for now, is that I can walk into my second job tomorrow and work with my student and nobody knows the other parts of my life or the other roles I play. And I can walk into the room of my new course mates on Tuesday and nobody (apart from the three good friends I already have) will have the slightest clue about the role I play as a model. Again, it's not that I even wish to hide it. If they asked, I'd share. But it's a story that's part of a bigger story which is untold for now.
Having written this, I do think that life has a more settled feeling when our different roles are shared. When people know and see the whole picture. But for now, I shall bask in the glory of living just as I am, doing what I do. This is the whole picture. The whole picture shall find its way.