I am currently on a train (nothing new!) which is delayed due to 'animals on the track' - something a little amusing there. Iiving in Yorkshire this really shouldn't be a surprise! As I sit in the carriage, i finally have a little time to myself in the middle of a hectic day. The windows are open and the sun is just so beautiful. This, as I'm well aware by now, is my prime 'contemplation' time, which more often than not leads to me writing a post. I had a conversation with a good friend a couple of days ago as we sat in the Uni costa and had a cup of tea. The conversation sparked off some thoughts that are still very much in my mind.
There are many things that we think we know about ourselves - some based on previous experiences; tried and tested hypothesis some might say. Others might be based on assumptions, and some based on internal or external ideals which we either project onto others in the hopes that somehow we will in turn begin to act this way too, or we attempt to project ourselves as the ideal image so much so that it almost becomes a false identity; a false sense of self. Whichever one of these it may be, we think we know many things until we are proven otherwise in often a shocking or unexpected manner. Most certainly a reality check for the most part.
For instance, I am a calm being. I like aloneness, I prefer quiet bars and small gatherings to loud clubs and raves. I rarely communicate anger, and when i do, its a passive and subdued kind. Because of this innate calmness, I assumed I also possessed such a thing we call patience. The past six months have awoken me to the reality that I not only lack this ideal patience which I long to have, but I am severely impatient at times. Is this quality good or bad? There are neither good nor bad qualities, they just are as they are - and some we may choose to practice a more healthy or appropriate way to communicate and express! This lack of patience, however, does show me that life matters. That time matters, and that I care about the decisions I make which often requires time and perseverance in order for things to follow suit. This is where my mantra of 'let it be' falls suitably into place. For a person of impatience, this is the healthiest and most helpful mantra to remember.
Whilst I let things be with a gentle (sometimes less gentle) push in the desired direction, I also learn that 'free' time is such a foreign concept now, so I have begun a few new projects - one being a project of fitness. I can eat healthily with no problem, but our being is a whole being and fitness is part of the wholeness of health. Therefore, I made time to do my third run of the week before leaving for the train. It's so beautiful outside at the moment that it requires such little effort to spend time outdoors.