101

'You'd know, how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summer haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.'

I feel very blank today. So this is what I typically do when I feel nothing - listen to music so I am able to feel something. Something real, a very real feeling. But something that give me a reason to feel sad, so I can understand why I feel this sadness instead of feeling hopeless and not even knowing why.

 

Maybe not many people will fully understand this feeling of complete and utter worthlessness and emptiness. A sadness that is kind of beyond the norm. Usual sadness means a few tears.. A hug better.. A drink and comforting chat with a good friend. But this kind of sadness is a more complex one. It's pure. Not the kind that can be cured in the space of a day. Yes, a few pills may numb the feelings from time to time, but they don't go away. Not completely. Infact, it just makes it more unbearable when it comes back. 

I don't want sympathy, and I don't want to be noticed. I just do not want to throw away everything I have been working on purely because I'm not strong enough to handle my life. I need to get myself out of this strange mind set and back into the real world.