Sunday, 20 February 2011


'You'd know, how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summer haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.'

I feel very blank today. So this is what I typically do when I feel nothing - listen to music so I am able to feel something. Something real, a very real feeling. But something that give me a reason to feel sad, so I can understand why I feel this sadness instead of feeling hopeless and not even knowing why.
Maybe not many people will fully understand this feeling of complete and utter worthlessness and emptiness. A sadness that is kind of beyond the norm. Usual sadness means a few tears.. A hug better.. A drink and comforting chat with a good friend. But this kind of sadness is a more complex one. It's pure. Not the kind that can be cured in the space of a day. Yes, a few pills may numb the feelings from time to time, but they don't go away. Not completely. Infact, it just makes it more unbearable when it comes back. 

I don't want sympathy, and I don't want to be noticed. I just do not want to throw away everything I have been working on purely because I'm not strong enough to handle my life. I need to get myself out of this strange mind set and back into the real world.

1 comment:

  1. Angel, this is the bottom.
    This is what makes an eating disorder hell.
    The emptiness, the numb lifelessness.
    You will feel utterly worthless, helpless, hopeless...
    You have been running yourself ragged.

    I want to write magic words here, and yet, they cannot be found.

    I believe in you.
    I believe in the beauty of your soul.
    I believe you deserve only the best.

    I barely know you, and yet the words you type, I remember them.
    I have been there.

    I just want you to know one thing,
    YOU are special.
    And (okay two things) I am here for you.
    In any way I can help xxxx