This week marks the first week of semester two - back to uni. I have very mixed feelings about this, so I'm just planning on 'getting on with it', so they say. Christmas break has been a whirlwind of work and madness, with my feet barely touching the ground. This makes it incredibly difficult adjusting to uni life once more. I am lucky this semester though, because my timetable is very kind to me. Only two days a week. (they are both very full days!) But still - that leaves me the rest of the week to live.
I suppose it was a way of welcoming us back to our first lecture yesterday, but we were each asked a number of questions which we were expected to share with the rest of the class. One of those questions being, 'what are you most looking forward to this year?' Well, this question could potentially provoke a lot of thoughtful answers. So I sat there, casually, and thought to myself.. What am I most looking forward to this year? It is actually a tough one to answer because we don't know what's ahead of us this year! How can I pinpoint a time and place that I most anticipate when my life is so unpredictable and spontaneous that I genuinely couldn't tell you what I will be doing in two week's time, never mind in six months.
Following some consideration, I realised that actually, the simple answer would be 'everything'. I don't care how naive and possibly false that may seem, but that is how I feel. There is not one single thing in my life that I don't look forward to. Of course the unknown is scary, the future is a little unpredictable, and I have no doubt that there will be days ahead in which I would find life much more bearable if I didn't exist. But in that mystery lies an overwhelming excitement. I am so incredibly lucky to be spending my life doing things I am passionate about. My eyes are constantly being opened up to a world of culture and possibilities that I have spent years running away from because I didn't feel I could ever possibly belong in a world so beautiful. I have never even really appreciated the beauty. I've admired it.. But I have a real taste of it now, and there's no looking back.
There is so much I would love to achieve and there's so much I am capable of. I want to enjoy my life, appreciate the people around me, and embrace every single opportunity given to me. Considering the horrendous mood I've been in lately, I'm surprised by this outburst of positivity. This shows that even the most rotten of moods can produce some helpful thoughts.
'It is at night when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm'