Saturday, 9 March 2013

keeping the fire alive

I'm honestly stunned that it's Saturday already. Our Fridays come around so quickly and then it' the weekend and then it's the start of another week. The days are being filled and yet they seem to just disappear before our very eyes. I have to admit, this week has been exceptionally intense but very purposeful. I have not even been modelling or casting recently - part of me hates this and questions why this could be, but a huge part is relieved and just thinks, well where is the time? There is, of course the fact that the money I earn modelling is how I will fund my post grad course (IF I am offered a place) so, there is pressure to work even though there seems to be a severe lack of time to do so. 

I have met some really wonderful individuals this week and interviewed them for my dissertation, and began transcribing, which I'm not finding too challenging because the content of my data is something that really interests me so it captures my attention. I love to hear peoples stories and experiences, and that, is essentially what I have been exploring. The week began with my mother's birthday celebrations and the rest of the week is a blur of writing and writing and working and learning and reading and meetings and emails and rather a lot of alcoholic consumption, and people.. So, so many people. 

As I seem to keep saying and writing - life has such a powerful focus on the future right now, living in the future and trying not to be consumed by plans and 'what ifs',  yet still so centered and un-neglecting of what's happening right now. It is almost as if one depends on the other, and vice versa. But as we know, it is impossible to give all your energy to both. I guess 'balance' is a key word that stands out to me. Another key word is to 'trust', and the third, perhaps most prominent and significant word is  'acceptance'. I have worked as a model for long enough now to have acquired a certain degree of acceptance in that I do not always have control. And with life, comes an element of uncertainty, and paradoxically, this only becomes OK if we accept that these uncertainties actually keep the fire alive. Because nothing is guaranteed or set in stone, we are more inclined to work harder to achieve whatever it may be in life that matters to us, and it's actually quite an empowering process. I think it's a huge part of discovering who we are, and that's the exciting part.

Wednesday evening was an evening I found balance, and it was in the form of a bottle of disaronno, a bottle of prosecco, and my beautiful, wonderfully energized, inspiring, and all together quite amazing Irish friend Aisling. She was visiting York, so we spent the evening in her hotel room drinking and catching up. I could have stayed all night - we have a good friendship, even though we are both entirely different people and this was only the third time we have met in person, this evening was the perfect mid-week break.

Keeping the fire ferociously alive but trusting that it won't burn down to ashes the minute we leave its side, is an important message to remember. Trusting that you have put enough time and energy into that fire that it will keep burning brightly even if you take some time out.  A work-life balance.

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