This week is panning out to be a really intense week. (aren't they all?)
It began on Monday with an 'ending' afternoon at Uni - the last ever time we'll all be together in that setting. It hasn't really hit home yet because we still have assignments to complete and the summer ball tomorrow evening. Also, it's an odd kind of ending because I'm not really leaving. Neither me or my close friends are going anywhere. But it most certainly is the end of a chapter and a goodbye to many people. One thing that has hit home is something I've been aware of all year. That's my awareness of just how much these people belong in my heart.
I remember starting University three years ago and being stubbornly adamant that I'd turn up to lectures and leave straight afterwards. I didn't 'need' to be in York, i didn't 'need' more friends and I was there to do my degree and return back to the safety of my own separate life in my own home. I'd be OK with taking time off to be in London or Manchester to work because work was work and that was my job and that was my life. I worked on my assignments and I achieved good grades - I still do. And I still work and travel all over the country/world. But life has now become something that has so much meaning. Once I stopped fighting against the 'separate' lives I lived and accepted that each aspect of myself contributes toward my whole being, I concluded that life is not to be resisted but to be embraced . Life is not imbalanced and I don't have to feel constantly at a waging war with myself. Yes, life is madness. Life is busy at times but it works because what I do is a reflection of who I am. In fact, it wouldn't work any other way.
I am aware of running the risk of sounding too 'flowery'... I like to think that if I didn't make the decision to come to University here, I might have somehow found my way to somewhere similar. I like to imagine that I'd be doing what I'm meant to be doing. But the truth is, when I set out on this journey I didn't know where it would lead. I didn't know I'd find myself at home. I'm not sure I even knew what 'home' meant. I didn't know I'd be preparing to do a Masters and training to become a qualified counsellor. And I didn't know that some of these people would have such a huge place in my heart. But I am so fortunate enough to have spent three years with people who have been part of discovering the greater good that life has to offer.
I am reminded of these words:
'Be faithful to that which exists within yourself'
- Andre Gide
It's difficult to know what to say when 'thank you' isn't anywhere near enough.