This week, once more, has been madness. In fact, just today alone has been enough to make me absolutely write off any revision plans I had this evening. I won't thank myself for this self-indulgent but rather sanity-preserving decision on Monday at 2pm when I'll be sat in an exam hall faced with essay questions of which reading could really benefit me. So, considering the madness, I think the best way to write at the moment is under bullet points. Under which the three lessons of today are outlined. This speaks a lot about my mental capacity right now...
Decisiveness. Being indecisive wastes time. Time is precious and people are precious and to spend hours debating how you will spend an evening to then not spend it with either of the people you had previously planned on spending it with...? I like to think of myself as fairly decisive. Fairly in touch with my instinct and usually trusting in that means I tend to do things on my own accord. It's a Taurean red-headed streak of passive determination. I actually like that a lot, but stress seems to be impacting me and making me a somewhat inconsistent individual. I worry so much that I won't have any free time that each potential free moment I've been grabbing with both hands but torn by the idea of spending time with people I love. Balance will be restored soon, I just wish soon came soon enough.
However, lesson number two: Macaroons should never, ever be questioned. Never debate whether you are allowed a small treat in the form of some macaroons with your best friend. They are worth it. Eating them does not make you a bad person. And you earned them. Particularly passionfruit and lemon macaroons... Those things are heaven sent little packages of pure goodness. Guilt-free goodness.
Final lesson of today: Sometimes we're under the illusion that asserting ourselves will feel good. There's a lot of power and politics associated with assertion, both of which make me feel uncomfortably like the bad guy. That I am under the illusion that somehow the world owes me a lifetime of goodness when I know that the world owes me nothing at all. I found out today that for someone like me, asserting myself doesn't feel good at all, and it is sometimes not productive in any way, shape or form. But then I wonder, for how long can one be complacent until the rug is snapped from under your feet completely? Do people gradually walk away or is it one big dramatic explosion? Or are we just compliant forever and in submissiveness we are powerless? Surely this is not the way we live? However, I have a friend who advised me to fight back with the power of the universe. This reminded me of the greater good and of the immense power the universe holds. The kind of unfathomable power that only exists in the dreams of superheroes. If we put our faith in the universe, the universe in turn, puts it's faith in us.