Saturday, 11 May 2013

Lessons of a Friday: Decisiveness, power and macaroons

This week, once more, has been madness. In fact, just today alone has been enough to make me absolutely write off any revision plans I had this evening. I won't thank myself for this self-indulgent but rather sanity-preserving decision on Monday at 2pm when I'll be sat in an exam hall faced with essay questions of which reading could really benefit me. So, considering the madness, I think the best way to write at the moment is under bullet points. Under which the three lessons of today are outlined. This speaks a lot about my mental capacity right now...

Decisiveness. Being indecisive wastes time. Time is precious and people are precious and to spend hours debating how you will spend an evening to then not spend it with either of the people you had previously planned on spending it with...? I like to think of myself as fairly decisive. Fairly in touch with my instinct and usually trusting in that means I tend to do things on my own accord. It's a Taurean red-headed streak of passive determination. I actually like that a lot, but stress seems to be impacting me and making me a somewhat inconsistent individual. I worry so much that I won't have any free time that each potential free moment I've been grabbing with both hands but torn by the idea of spending time with people I love. Balance will be restored soon, I just wish soon came soon enough.

However, lesson number two: Macaroons should never, ever be questioned. Never debate whether you are allowed a small treat in the form of some macaroons with your best friend. They are worth it. Eating them does not make you a bad person. And you earned them. Particularly passionfruit and lemon macaroons... Those things are heaven sent little packages of pure goodness. Guilt-free goodness.

Final lesson of today: Sometimes we're under the illusion that asserting ourselves will feel good. There's a lot of power and politics associated with assertion, both of which make me feel uncomfortably like the bad guy. That I am under the illusion that somehow the world owes me a lifetime of goodness when I know that the world owes me nothing at all. I found out today that for someone like me, asserting myself doesn't feel good at all, and it is sometimes not productive in any way, shape or form. But then I wonder, for how long can one be complacent until the rug is snapped from under your feet completely? Do people gradually walk away or is it one big dramatic explosion? Or are we just compliant forever and in submissiveness we are powerless? Surely this is not the way we live? However, I have a friend who advised me to fight back with the power of the universe. This reminded me of the greater good and of the immense power the universe holds. The kind of unfathomable power that only exists in the dreams of superheroes. If we put our faith in the universe, the universe in turn, puts it's faith in us. 

1 comment:

  1. When I decided to go to university after being employed for four years, I knew it was going to be a change in lifestyle. Shortly after I made this decision, I ran into an older Masters student, an acquaintance of sorts, and we fell into a deep discussion about how our lives change as a result of going back to school, and how it really does require more than a full time commitment to achieve the success one is looking for as a mature student. She told me how important it was to realize that the people in our lives who respect us and mean a lot to us will still be there if we hole ourselves up in our study for four years. They will respect the fact that we have made this choice and will achieve it no matter what, and will love and respect us even more because of it.

    Sure things change between you, things always change between people. When that best friend gets a lover, when you get a lover, when full time employment takes over... everything changes all the time.

    I really like how you're in touch with your instinct. It is something I have been pursuing for a long time now. It's funny how it takes just one event where you ignore your instincts to have those voices shift to quieter, isn't it? I think you should explore your instincts and listen to what they tell you about assertion. Sometimes new things make you feel uncomfortable, but successful new things make you feel so alive, like a superhero :)

    I like reading your blog. Thank you.