Wednesday, 29 May 2013

The great adventure

Yesterday, Tuesday 28th May, was my last ever day as an undergraduate. I woke to an email from my lovely Nan to wish me all her love on my last day as an undergraduate student. The day was a busy one actually - I completed an online child safeguarding course and I went to University to submit the paper documents for the last assignment. I returned some of my books and had a supervision meeting for the mentoring I do. I then went to Harrogate to spend some time with my mother. I arrived at my Mum's house to a cup of tea and freshly baked cake - I say 'freshly baked' because it was literally right out of the oven and it was still warm. Only a mother can do this in the way that she did. Oat, raisin and ginger cake. I know I'm most definitely not one for over-indulging mid-afternoon. Perhaps  I relax a little in the evening after a glass of wine or two when suddenly the nutritional and calorific content of 'treats' seems somewhat insignificant but this brief hour at home with my mother and tea and cake was really just perfect.

Matt and I then went on a mini road trip which finished in the pub and we watched the sunset. I was given another opportunity yesterday... One that I really hope my efforts were good enough to ensure a positive outcome because it almost seems like too much of a good opportunity to pass on. But I guess all life ultimately is for any of us is the great unknown. The great adventure. We are great travellers. We just learn to live and somehow we summon enough courage to take risks and to enjoy the ride. Do we create the ride ourselves or is it already marked out half way? I like to think that we create it entirely ourselves, and to some extent yes - we really do. But when we rely on someone else to book us for that job or to employ us or to see enough 'potential' in whatever it is that they look for, there's only so much control we have. There is only so much we can do until that decision is lifted from our hands.

If I am booking a modelling job, I cannot change my height or my freckles or the shape of my face. My hair colour and the shape of my body remain the same - they are me. Therefore the client either likes what I bring and books me, or they opt for some other girl who does offer the thing they are searching for. If I am looking at other jobs or placements or Masters or training programmes, there is equally only so much I can offer. The other half of the deal is up to 'them'... Do they trust me? Can they take a risk with me? Am I the 'right' one? These are the things that we can never really fully determine or shape for ourselves. We do determine our own life - we are self-governing autonomous beings, whether we believe that or fully live as we are, that's up to us. But within the life choices we make, we inevitably rely on others to meet us at some place in the middle.

To write about yesterday's adventures -  last night's sunset and the beautiful views, it seems almost like the description of another lifetime as I'm sat in my house and it's considerably grey, cold and rainy outside. Today I am catching up on emails and life. It feels like an important day, even though evidently I'm not doing very much as it's 2.15pm and I am drinking coffee in 'home' clothes having not even left the confines of my own house.

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