Sunday evening - freshly washed bedding, just showered, and feeling ready to tackle the week ahead. Well, some weeks I go to sleep on a Sunday evening absolutely ready for Monday morning, and there are other weeks when I am really quite unsure as to whether I will even make it to the end of the week. I remember this time last year when I did not understand this feeling. I did a few voluntary things here and there, and I was studying for my degree, but the only paid job I had was as a model, and as a model, weekends and Monday mornings really do not have the same effect. I would often work on a weekend, and perhaps have the Monday off or perhaps not. Who knew, really? I would never really know from day to day. Life was so very varied. It still is so full of colour and variation. But the difference lies in the knowing vs. the unknown. It is fine, but equally, along with the knowing, comes knowing exactly how little time there is for myself.
It is about balance again. I do not complain, I just think a lot about the direction of my life and how each and every decision I make (however significant) plays a part in forming that direction. It is ironic because sometimes I really don't know where it is going at all, yet I make these decisions every day.
I have tried to use this weekend to do some work. I tutored on Saturday morning and then truly embraced the wind and rain by running (almost 10k) and returning home to relax before going out for wine with wonderful company (thank you Moor). I then used today to re-write some work I already had and prepare some social psychology tutoring sessions. But really I have taken most of the day to treat myself to a new shirt and some Body Shop goodies, and to watch Grey's Anatomy and drink tea. I realise that I have done the things that restore my balance. So much of what we do comes from within, in that we get what we give out. And we can only give out what we have inside. What use are we in this world, if we have nothing left to give?