Sunday, 23 January 2011

Happy birthday Anna

'Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.'
Susanna (Girl, Interrupted).

Bonjour. I suppose the quote is not quite as bizarre as it may seem. You see, this film always reminds me of one particular lady who she goes by the beautiful name of Anna Poberezny. It was Anna's birthday on Friday and I went over to York to celebrate with her. We had a lovely couple of days together, of course involving coffee and tea, vodka and amaretto, apples and sweets, birthday gifts, depressing discussions and what one can only describe as outrageously insane discussions. 

Some of our conversations may as well be non-comprehendable on a basic level of sanity. Bringing me back to the beginning.. What the hell is crazy? We are so focused on this label of craziness that we lose sight of what the word actually means. Perhaps it is undefinable. Maybe it's not actually us who are the crazy ones, but it's the uncontrollable and disordered life we live. I do wish I could be a child forever. Not the child I was, God no. I am glad to have my childhood over and forgotten about. But to be a child with one of those idealistic childhood fantasy lives, and to stay in that perfect little world forever. Have you ever felt a moment that seems ever so real and honestly perfect? You would be happy if you died the following day, because living to experience that one moment, is all you need? Being present and feeling at one with your soul. Is there really something so crazy about wanting to hold onto that one moment of happiness and never wanting to let it go?

Je ne sais pas.
There's my phrase of the week. Wow, it's probably my phrase of life. My fucking answer to life.
Je ne sais pas. 
I don't know.

1 comment: