Saturday, 11 December 2010

700 miles

I have travelled 700 miles this week, either via car or train. That's quite a lot. 3 shoots, 2 days at uni, and one day of work placement training. Meeting lots of wonderful new people, and becoming slightly overwhelmed with the amount of uni work I still have to do, despite the fact that I've already got all the work for the humanistic module out of the way and handed in.

This is a good explanation as to why I fell asleep fully clothed with the candles still burning, the TV on and happily slept for over 12 hours last night. I then woke up at 9am, changed into my pyjamas and made a cup of tea. In all honesty I feel a million times better for the rest. You would never guess that usually I am a crazy insomniac who can't seem to get 3 hours sleep, never mind a solid night. Perhaps I need to wipe myself out completely before I have a chance of getting any kind of rest. Positives and negatives.. Swings and roundabouts.

I plan to get most of my skills assignment done. It becomes apparent that actually I don't know what to do with spare time. The concept of 'spare time' seems to be very alien to me these days. I suppose I've never fully embraced relaxation and 'chill out' time because it makes me feel slightly worthless. Like perhaps I should be doing something productive and worthwhile with my time rather than selfishly and waste it on myself. It's a good subconscious distraction technique as well. The lengths I go to, to avoid my own mind.

“ I’m alarmed by the silence. The voice has stopped. When it’s quiet in my head like this, that’s when the voice doesn’t need to tell me how pathetic I am. I know it. In the deepest part of me. When it’s quiet like this, that’s when I truly hate myself. ”

Portia De Rossi - Unbearable Lightness.

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