This is a good explanation as to why I fell asleep fully clothed with the candles still burning, the TV on and happily slept for over 12 hours last night. I then woke up at 9am, changed into my pyjamas and made a cup of tea. In all honesty I feel a million times better for the rest. You would never guess that usually I am a crazy insomniac who can't seem to get 3 hours sleep, never mind a solid night. Perhaps I need to wipe myself out completely before I have a chance of getting any kind of rest. Positives and negatives.. Swings and roundabouts.
I plan to get most of my skills assignment done. It becomes apparent that actually I don't know what to do with spare time. The concept of 'spare time' seems to be very alien to me these days. I suppose I've never fully embraced relaxation and 'chill out' time because it makes me feel slightly worthless. Like perhaps I should be doing something productive and worthwhile with my time rather than selfishly and waste it on myself. It's a good subconscious distraction technique as well. The lengths I go to, to avoid my own mind.
“ I’m alarmed by the silence. The voice has stopped. When it’s quiet in my head like this, that’s when the voice doesn’t need to tell me how pathetic I am. I know it. In the deepest part of me. When it’s quiet like this, that’s when I truly hate myself. ”
Portia De Rossi - Unbearable Lightness.