"It is so hard to learn to put sadness in perspective. So hard to understand that it is a feeling that comes in degrees, it can be a candle burning gently and harmlessly in your home, or it can be a full-fledged forest fire that destroys almost everything and is controlled by almost nothing. It can also be so much in-between "
Elizabeth Wurtzel (Prozac Nation)
Prozac Nation. Need to watch it again.
Today has been one of those in-between days. Therapy days are always a bit in-between. I've been referred to a new person but I have to decide if I want to go ahead with it or stick with the same woman.
Life is full of a chaotic mess of choices and decisions in which I'm desperately trying to keep my feet on the ground.
I'm not sure if I can face yet another new face. I can't handle the judgements and questions and the look of.. 'Well.. you're FAT now. Well done! Good work..' and me feeling like a waste of space for even being there. The doubt of whether I even had issues in the first place. I'd have to lose at least 12 pounds if I was to see someone new again.
Feelings usually come in degrees, including sadness. So why is it, that it's such an overwhelming sinking feeling? Always.