Thursday, 23 December 2010

Random thoughts at 2.40am.

'The best often die by their own hand just to get away, and those left behind can never quite understand why anybody would ever want to get away from them.' - Charles Bukowski

Well, this is moi. Wide awake at 2.40am clueless as to how I shall spend my time this evening/morning. 

The Charles Bukowski words are not as random as they may seem. They make perfect sense to me - me being a person who seems to always be searching for a way to escape. Escaping doesn't always mean death, although admittedly that is an option. Escapism is an attempt to get away from yourself, to free yourself from the crazy world we live in, or to get away from the inner demons and thoughts that refuse to leave your mind. Change of image, change of direction, change of heart.. Or perhaps distractions and dreams are a form of escapism. But it's not what we do, it's why we do it. Why do we go to such extremes just to get away from the very core of our being? I ask this because the answer is a mystery to me. When we find out exactly what we are trying to run away from, then maybe we will stop running and begin to accept, whatever that may be.

I have to be awake pretty early. Insomnia can be a bitch at times. There is so much in my mind that I wish I could get written down tonight but I can't quite find the words. I have spent the past couple of hours reading through an essay making changes and adding a few bits. It's no where near finished yet but it's getting there. 

I should probably sleep.

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