Monday, 6 December 2010

Life in the fast lane.

That's what I feel like at the moment - my life is spent very much (and quite literally) in the fast lane. Speeding down the motorways in the outside lane, safely of course! But still, speedy - to get myself to where ever they have sent me. Thank goodness I have a lovely friend who's lent me her sat nav, otherwise I'd be a lost cause. Driving in cities is stressful, especially when trying to avoid ice and when the fog is so horrible that you can't see two metres in front of you! However I have conquered my fears and made myself do it, and I'm pleased I did.

I have to admit, yesterday and today have been absolutely fantastic. I should learn to take life with a pinch of salt and stop being such a bloody worrier. Worrying just clouds up a beautiful perspective of life. Yesterday's shoot in particular was hard work but so enjoyable. Quite a journey to get there, but it was a stunning location and the photographer, designer, and hair and make up artist were lovely people. I was modelling the designers incredible collection, including his 'Cheryl Cole' dress. Seriously beautiful clothes. Very excited to see the pics. It's great when you get a trusting and fun vibe on set and you feel comfortable and can let go a little.. be yourself. That's what I reckon gets the best pics and it makes the day so worth while. It's those kinds of days that remind me why I do this. 

Fear and anxiety just creates more fear and self-hatred. Where as if I just take little risks sometimes, just small ones... Be spontaneous, trust my instincts.. Then it pays off. I must improve my thoughts. 
Self belief
Self belief
Self belief

I am exhausted.
But I feel happy. 
Well, you know what I mean by happy. What IS happy?? I don't know if I'm ever actually happy but this must be pretty close. There's nothing sad in my mind today. I've met some wonderful people, I've had a successful few days, and my body aches in a good way. My mind is exhausted from too much thinking and not enough resting. But I like this feeling - it makes me feel as though I've done something good and worth-while. It's a pretty good distraction too, right? Nice to busy my mind and life up with other things (that are not so self-destructive) so I don't have to face up to the shit that I otherwise don't really know how to deal with.

On a different note:
Ellie Goulding's cover of 'Your Song' is just beautiful! Can't stop listening to it

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