I have to admit, yesterday and today have been absolutely fantastic. I should learn to take life with a pinch of salt and stop being such a bloody worrier. Worrying just clouds up a beautiful perspective of life. Yesterday's shoot in particular was hard work but so enjoyable. Quite a journey to get there, but it was a stunning location and the photographer, designer, and hair and make up artist were lovely people. I was modelling the designers incredible collection, including his 'Cheryl Cole' dress. Seriously beautiful clothes. Very excited to see the pics. It's great when you get a trusting and fun vibe on set and you feel comfortable and can let go a little.. be yourself. That's what I reckon gets the best pics and it makes the day so worth while. It's those kinds of days that remind me why I do this.
Fear and anxiety just creates more fear and self-hatred. Where as if I just take little risks sometimes, just small ones... Be spontaneous, trust my instincts.. Then it pays off. I must improve my thoughts.
I am exhausted.
But I feel happy.
Well, you know what I mean by happy. What IS happy?? I don't know if I'm ever actually happy but this must be pretty close. There's nothing sad in my mind today. I've met some wonderful people, I've had a successful few days, and my body aches in a good way. My mind is exhausted from too much thinking and not enough resting. But I like this feeling - it makes me feel as though I've done something good and worth-while. It's a pretty good distraction too, right? Nice to busy my mind and life up with other things (that are not so self-destructive) so I don't have to face up to the shit that I otherwise don't really know how to deal with.
On a different note:
Ellie Goulding's cover of 'Your Song' is just beautiful! Can't stop listening to itxxx