Thursday, 28 April 2011

Bon anniversaire

Yes, it was indeed my birthday two days ago, Tuesday 26th. I wasn't overly excited about the prospect but actually perhaps the occasions that we don't tend to build up in our minds are usually the best ones. I had a fantastic day and evening spent with family and close friends. George had made me the most divine looking chocolate and strawberry cake, which we ate in my garden after a nice but rather chilly barbeque. We then went into a cocktail bar in town and treated ourselves to celebratory drinks. It was lovely. I never drink a lot, mainly because I don't like what alcohol does to your body. But if there's one day of the year you should allow whatever you like, it is your birthday. I received gifts of money, lovely clothes, and lots of beautiful mugs and green tea. (my friends know me well) I even managed to surprise myself by waking up early yesterday morning, after not drinking that much since last years birthday, and heading down to Manchester for a photo shoot. Which I enjoyed very much. It's always great when you work with a fun and inspiring team.

Anna came over to Harrogate in the afternoon to join me for my birthday. She stayed all afternoon and evening and we were finally reunited after a rather long Easter break. I'm incredibly happy she is back in the North. I feel so thankful and lucky that I do have some wonderful friends. I always feel this way on birthdays. Perhaps even more so this year because I hadn't organized anything special so it felt very relaxed. But still, I was greeted with crazy amounts of birthday wishes and kind words, birthday cards and gifts, lots of love and hugs and happiness. It's overwhelming - to feel that kind of love and support from those in your life. It's so overwhelming that I just never know what to do with it all. I'm always taken aback, and left with so much appreciation of every single person who helped make my day lovely.

I am aware of this post turning into a very fluffy and flowery 'peace to the world' post. That is not the intention! I just think it is important to acknowledge the good things we have, otherwise we would either push them away, or take them for granted.

It's almost that feeling of being overwhelmed with goodness again. I am fortunate enough to have so much to look forward to and so many opportunities ahead of me. And yes, it makes my heart skip beats, and gives me that lump in my throat, but not that sad kind. The kind that makes you want to cry with happiness. Modelling work is taking an incredibly exciting turn.. I shall be heading down to London next week to meet some agents from Tokyo for work there over summer. I cannot even put into words how excited I am for this opportunity. In the meantime, I've been doing/have coming up some brilliant tests and shoots. It takes me back to before I was at university, when I was working in a dull job, and before I'd begun modelling properly. And goodness, no wonder I was depressed. My whole life has turned upside down, but in a good way. In the right way.. It's now the right way up. It feels like a lifetime ago.. and to think this is the whole world I was missing out on? I never again want to lose this grasp on my life.

Nothing is ever perfect. I am a perfectionist - I should know by now that nothing is ever made perfectly formed. Which means that life also, is never exactly the way we would like it. So to call it perfect - that would be wrong. It's just sometimes I like to feel happy about it. Grateful is how I am feeling today.


  1. This post was LOVELY. I am so happy for you that things are going the right way, especially the modeling because that is all tres exciting! And I am so happy I was there with you to celebrate your birthday because like my card to you says, I actually don't know what I would do without you in all honesty. Love. xx

  2. I think, as I said to you last night, the fact you are finding the positive, the things that are there and not focusing on what isn't.
    Are all clear shifts in your thinking.
    And my only hope and wish for you now, is to continue to embrace life, and recovery.
    Because if you can have them both, things will be pretty close to perfect.
    It is if your recovery defaults it may not.
    You have all of your life, in the palm of your hands quite literally.
    You know what matters and you have come so far.
    And I have every faith you can be well, recovered and happy.
    Mwahhhh ness xxxx

  3. Happy belated birthday! Thank you for sharing this very personal post.

    I think you said it best in the last paragraph. I can completely relate to that.

  4. this is so great
    YOU are so great
    i remember the way you were last year when i was very ill aswell, and there is such a difference- really, you have changed your life so much for the better
    i am incredibly proud :)