9.30

I have myself a lovely cup of apple and pear green tea, and I plan to use my negativity and turn it into something productive. I would much rather do that than sit here wasting the evening away, missing my friends immensely, and wishing I were somewhere or somebody else.

Today has taken me through an absolute wave of emotions. I can't wait for next week because it's another week off uni and I have some brilliant jobs and castings lined up. I also found out I am optioned for another few days shooting with Next soon, which really perked me up because I adore spending time with the other models and we always get looked after very well. My mother is going away too. I feel terrible for even thinking this, but I can't wait to have space away from constantly feeling like everything I do is just not quite good enough. I desperately need the distance. Not that I will actually be at home very much!

So, as I said.. I am determined to do something useful with all of this tension. I'll blast some more of this essay off. I'm really not very tired at all so perhaps settling down to this at 9.30pm is an excellent idea. Good escapism and a good distraction